The Split
by madkool
Summary: Two years after defeating Ultimecia, things have changed. Relationships have ended, and others have flourished in their wake. When is enough enough? And when is it alright to swallow your pride and forgive? Irvine&Squall, Original Character, Language, AS
1. Chapter 1

The hall had undergone a tremendous transformation, one that had probably cost an exponential amount of money and time. Irvine didn't really care how they did it, just that he was there shooting the shit out of everything possible. Finally Balamb had put in a shooting range and they could train marksmen of their own instead of borrowing them from other gardens...

He laughed to himself, and even to him, it sounded a little bitter. He had been completely caught off guard that day, when he was reunited with his brothers and sisters from the orphanage. He remembered it vividly...but, of course, that set of memories was bitter sweet. He had been ordered to assassinate the woman that raised him, cared for him more than any other person had. He had to fight against her, trying to kill her, and even if he hadn't succeeded, he still felt guilty.

He sometimes wondered if his life would be easier now if he had never been reunited. He still had tons of friends in Galbadia, shallow easygoing friends that could never hurt him as much as _they_ could. No, he would never regret finding his true friends, but friendships with them, real friendships, were a whole new can of worms.

The hall was empty, as it should be late at night. But Irvine knew it was void of any other life because technically it wasn't open yet. But Selphie had always had a way with breaking and entering. Irvine grinned at the thought, in spite of his otherwise dreary feelings. His little Selph...

Irvine reached into one of the pockets on his long duster jacket and retrieved a single round of fire ammo. There was only one target left standing, a single Red Bat. And he'd be damned if he was going to...

He wasn't going to. Miss, that is. He never did. Yeah, he might be a cocky son of a bitch, but when it came down to it, Kinneas was every bit of the expert marksmen he said he was.

He cracked open the break-action Exeter, sliding the single round of fire ammo into one of the chambers. He closed the shotgun, swung it up, took quick aim, and fired, all in one single fluid motion. And he hit the target squarely in its smug face. It proceeded to burst into flame upon contact; Irvine stood and watched until it was no more than a pile of ashes on the floor.

It was time for bed.

Irvine sauntered out of the hall, slapping the panel, which slid open the door. He walked out into the Quad and heard the door automatically swish shut and lock behind him. The air was damp with the dew produced from the automatic sprinklers, and the mist hovered throughout the room, refracting the moonlight that shone through the glass ceiling panels, twinkling like millions of little stars. Why was it that one always witnessed the most beautiful moments in life alone?

He inhaled the mist, and closed his eyes. The smell of the water, beading on the lush growth of the vegetation in the Quad, smelled ripe with life. He always loved the rain, maybe because deep down, he was still terrified of it a little. He still remembered all of those stormy nights the Orphanage had when he was young. It seemed like it rained almost every night.

Thinking about the Orphanage made him think of the beach. And thinking of the beach made him think about...

_...walking on the beach underneath a clouded sky...rain coming in sudden downfalls and drizzles...holding hands with him, watching as beads of water dripped from his lips...stripping each other of wet clothing, trying to yank the wet leather pants from his legs, but they clung to his skin, refusing access to all the places of him my body was lusting for..._

Irvine's chest felt achingly heavy as he walked through the hushed halls to the dormitories in the north end of Balamb Garden.

He walked to the men's quarters, and walked to the end of the main hall, typing the access code into the security panel. The elevator swished open, and he stepped inside.

The stupid piece of shit elevator, probably dating back to the time of Hyne, took the longest to get from point A to point B out of any other Irvine had encountered. Right now, all that he wanted to do was get back to his quarters, and distract himself.

Without some way to keep himself busy, which Irvine had been trying desperately to do for the past week, his mind started to wander, and that was the last thing he fucking needed. It was like he had no control of his own brain sometimes, and it liked to torment him with its sadistic sense of humor.

_...pushing him hard against the door of the lift, shoving my mouth hard against his...hands wandering, caressing, squeezing...him moaning softly, "Irvine"...nibbling his earlobe, his body responding in a semi-violent spasm, an involuntary reaction due to our month apart...him rocking his hips against mine, as I grinned, teasing him and pulling away...not yet, I was going to make it last as long as I could..._

DING! The elevator door slid open jerking Irvine swiftly from memory to reality. He readjusted his pants, and walked briskly down the long hall, his duster billowing slightly behind him. The hall varied from the Garden's usual professional appearance, painted a deep red with gold trim. Living on a SeeD hall was far from living as a cadet.

He walked inside his flat, hitting the lights, which flickered momentarily before bombarding him with their iridescence. Compared to the old single dorm he had lived in before becoming a SeeD, this place was like a suite in Esthar. Well, it was nowhere near as see-through, or flashy...but it was nice all the same.

Irvine strode to the fridge, stopping to lean back and stretch his spine, which cracked in angry response for being used all day. He opened the door, scratched his ass, and decided he didn't want what it had to offer. Unless ketchup had recently been upgraded from condiment to main course, then he was just going to have to wait until the morning. Instead, he pulled open the freezer door, and removed a bottle of ice-cold Galbadian vodka. He poured himself a serving into a shot glass he had kept from _The Minotaur_, after a memorable night in Deling City. He tipped the liquor expertly into his throat, shaking his head vigorously to counteract the burn.

He brought the bottle with him to living room, along with the frosted glass that had a logo of a bull head sporting a "bull ring" in its nose. He poured himself another shot, setting the bottle on the mahogany coffee table before falling back into his small modern love seat. Kicking his feet onto the table, he tilted his head back, and drained the glass of its fiery contents.

Guns and women...the two things that Irvine had become famous for. They said that he went through new women faster than he did new guns, which was true, for the most part...of course, there were the men too. And he had had Exeter forever... But did that always have to be true? Irvine didn't want it to be anymore. But...

_...so irritated with him, tears welling in my eyes...why did he act so damn stand offish?... why was I the one that was always being hurt?...tired of being pushed away, rejected again and again...I had layed out my feelings, my love for him, and he hadn't said a damn thing...no matter how hard I tried, no matter how I knew he felt for me, he was never going to say anything, never going to let me become a part of his life...his fear of rejection pretty much made that impossible..._

It had always pissed Irvine off, the way that one minute Squall was warm and honest, melting under the heat of passion and softened by Irvine's love; the next, Squall was pushing him away, ignoring him, pretending as if there were no feelings, like the time and energy invested in this...relationship didn't mean anything. They had been together for at least a year, on and off, and for the past three months it had been more. But, of course, there had never been titles, or any clear ties, because Squall would've abandoned everything Irvine had worked so hard for.

But, after that...after the rejection, and after everything that Irvine had done, for Squall to act like that...it had felt like his heart had been torn out of his chest and mutilated into a bloody fucking chunk of nothing. So, inadvertently, he returned to what he knew best, to the reputation he had built over the years...

_...grabbing the stranger by the hand, whispering the things I wanted to do to her in her ear...leading her to my room, unable to keep my hands off of her..._

Irvine pulled himself upright, snatching the vodka bottle, pouring and swallowing one, two, three shots quickly in succession, as if he were trying to drown out the memory that was haunting him. Almost like if he drank hard enough, quickly enough, the memories would stop, would leave, would get the fuck out of his head. He had never planned to...never meant...

_...the clothes taken off long ago, in a pile on the floor...she was laying spread eagle on the bed sheets, and I was fucking her like she had never been fucked before...taking out my anger, my frustration, pounding in and out, in and out...she was very vocal, loud; moaning and screaming, demanding and begging, until I brought her, her tight wetness clenching around me, screaming "Irvine! Oh...oh..!"...but she suddenly fell silent in mid-scream..._

Irvine had reached the bottom of the bottle, and while the room was tilted a little to the left and spinning slightly, the vodka had not worked as he had wanted it to. No matter what he did, or didn't do, the thought of his infidelity was burned into his brain, and there was no way of preventing it from...

_...she fell silent, and stopped moving...I was intent on my own impending release, so close...looking up, seeing, finally comprehending him...Squall, standing in the door way, face twisted in raw emotion...what the fuck am I doing?...the heartbreak suddenly vanishing from his countenance, the typical barren expression he held sweeping across...his eyes changing last, from just this side of a breakdown, to a vicious glare..._

"Why won't it fucking stop!" Irvine seethed in a whisper. His feelings were still unclear, jumbled, and even more twisted with the taint of alcohol. When would it...

_...he had stalked off, and I was shattered...the girl, unaware of the Pandora's Box she had stumbled into, gathering her clothes, apologizing...finally alone...falling to the floor, crying...screaming wordlessly, raw emotion and anguish pouring from my mouth like steam bursting from a tea kettle..._

Suddenly overcome with frustration and pain, Irvine grabbed the empty vodka bottle, and slammed it with all the strength he could muster onto the tabletop, sending large shards through the air and about the room in an explosion of glass daggers. A scythe-like chunk from the throat of the bottle shot off the coffee table and ricocheted back into Irvine's face, sliding across his skin on his cheekbone, from his right brow to his hairline. In his numbed condition, the pain, if there were any, was far off. The blood pouring in rivulets down his cheek and plopping like crimson raindrops onto the expensive couch, however, was very, very real.

"Oh fuck me," Irvine muttered. He was usually so calm, so cool, even facing off against Ultimecia, he had been the one helping the others gather their wits. But when it came to stupid gunbladers in hot tight leather...or stupid gunbladers that could never break out of the 19 year old walls they had built around them...Irvine believed the hatred he felt was more than justified.

He flicked the bathroom light on, and like the others, it took a few seconds before bursting into life. Damn Balamb electricity. He stopped suddenly, in mid-thought, realizing a certain amount of irony had gone into this wound. He had been brooding over a certain brooding lover, only to obtain a wound similar to said lover's on his face. Now, if it scarred...that would be irony, and that was the last thing Irvine fucking needed.

Having been ignored to tend to his ego, the bleeding had continued on, running trails down his face, propelled by gravity to fall in the sink. Not wanting to ruin his cowboy hat by splattering blood all over it, he took it off and threw it out of the bathroom and on to a nearby chair in the living room. Irvine grabbed a dirty towel off the top of the full laundry hamper and pressed it to the wound. He knew that everybody would be asking him the next day where he got the gash on his face. Of course, Zell would be the first, him and his big mouth.

Selphie in all her...Selphiness would bounce about, demanding to know what had happened between him and Squall, how she was going to kill that bastard...the only answer he would be able to produce was that, in a drunken stupor, he had smashed a bottle and gotten cut by a glass shard...how fucking embarrassing.

Once the bleeding stopped, he began to rummage through the medicine cabinet, trying to find that stuff that made cuts mend faster. Razor, toothpaste, lube...hmmm...band-aids...no stuff. Dammit.

He wasn't junctioned...but thank Hyne it was SeeD regulation to always be prepared with at least one guardian handy. It was too bad he only had Brothers with him...they were always so damn noisy. But he wasn't going to walk around with a huge bleeding slice on his face.

_Brothers, will you help me?_ Irvine questioned internally.

_Yes, I'll help, you don't need Sacred - no real power there!_ Minotaur said eagerly. Irvine had noticed that the two brothers always fought over who held the real power.

_I'll be Hyne's bitch before I let that Bite Bug help alone! I'll do it-_ Sacred said in defense of his reputation, before being interrupted.

_Oh no! I don't think so Sacred! If you were still -_

_Oh for fucks sake you two, just shut up and junction! _Irvine mentally yelled at the two. There were like infants, and yelling was the only thing that got through to them half the time. Or the only thing they understood.

_All right Irvy, we'll help, _the Brothers said in unison. Once you got them to stop bickering, they actually did get along quite well.

He wished Selph was there, or that he wouldn't feel like an ass to call her...after all, getting her close to death just so she could perform her Full Cure limit for his benefit did seem a little petty. Ok, a lot petty. It was the Galbadian in him.

Cura should do the trick...the Brothers had set his junctions to benefit his strength, but he needed magic, so he took a second to shift the balance...there. _Cura, _he intoned mentally, and he felt the soothing magic wash over him, tingling as it permeated throughout his body. Again looking in the mirror, the wound appeared to be better, for the most part. It was a little puffy, but it probably wouldn't scar. Irvine let out a long sigh of relief. Wouldn't want to be Sir Broods-a-lot junior...

Although he would have liked to call it a night, he still had to do the thing he had been dreading ever since he had fucked up...it had been a week anyway, enough time to build bravery. The vodka helped with that, anyway.

He took a deep breath, sighed as he looked at his face in the mirror one last time, and set off to Squall's flat, grabbing his hat along the way.

His stumbling steps seemed to swerve and weave back and forth across the hall more than they took him forward. Irvine stopped, took a deep breath, and tried to walk like he wasn't shit-faced, with a slight improvement. At least he wasn't bracing himself against the wall anymore.

Six apartments down the hall and five minutes later, Irvine came to Squall's doorway. He leaned his head against the door, taking deep breaths, trying to sober up just a little. He didn't want Squall to think that he was that pathetic, having to drink heavily to sate the pit in his heart. The truth was that he did. He would have used an Esuna any other day, but he needed the alcohol right now.

He brought his head back from the door, standing as straight as he could in his current state, and tapped gently on the door. "Squally? You home?" Irvine inquired gently.

Feet padded slowly toward the door, pausing as they came before the entrance. The door slid open, revealing Squall, dressed in pale blue boxers and his Griever and ring pendants. He always looked so sexy in blue, it almost compared to him in leather. Almost. He had bought Squall those boxers, after his month long trip to Esthar...the one where they had...on the elevator...wow. Irvine could never convince him to wear them often enough, but when he did...those nights were memorable.

"It's you," Squall said abruptly. His eyes narrowed, and he grabbed his jacket off the nearby coat rack, pulling it on, suddenly aware of his naked and enticing body, and of Irvine's eyes wandering across it involuntarily. Squall had also managed to produce a blanket from someplace, and was wrapping it around his waist. The time lapse was lost on Irvine, he was too far gone to notice that he was starting to blank out a little.

"Yeah, it's me," Irvine countered, overcoming his suddenly ridiculous intoxication. "I came to get my stuff, if you didn't throw it away." Wouldn't be surprised if you did.

"Whatever." Squall turned, and walked inside, not waiting to see if Irvine followed or not. Obviously, Squall had never snapped out of his mood, not since the fight...not since he found them...

Irvine, filled with the magical heat of Galbadian Pure, didn't waver under the glare of Squall's eyes from their place in the kitchen. He had taken up a stance in a shaded corner, leaning his butt against the counter, his arms crossed over his chest. So this was how it was going to happen.

The apartment was nice. A little too open, a little too roomy for Irvine's taste. But then again, they were the quarters of _the_ Commander, so of course they were a little extravagant. Squall had managed to tone down the palatial vibe a little with his simplistic decoration and adornments to the place. But still...too big.

He began his search for far-from-home items in the living room. Again, it was simple. There were places to sit, but not too many. There were places to keep things, but, well...not too many. The one thing that Irvine had always found odd was that Squall didn't like to keep photos. When Irvine had asked him why once, all that he had said was, "Why keep pictures of people you see everyday?" Because, you idiot, one day they might be gone...and you'll want to remember. You of all people should know that it's so easy to forget.

Under a few "Weapons Monthly" magazines was Irvine's photo album that he had given to Squall for his last birthday. It had pictures that Edea had taken when they lived in the orphanage, pictures from the party after they had defeated Ultimecia...pictures from when he and Irvine had been together. Every shot of Squall was a candid. As far back as Irvine could remember, Squall had never liked being under the eye of the camera. It probably went with the whole loner thing.

Irvine suddenly felt very possessive of the album. If Squall hated pictures…memories…himself so much, then he didn't deserve it. Irvine had spent far too much time, contacting everybody he knew to gather pictures, putting them in just the right order. He flipped to the last page, empty save one lone picture.

Irvine could remember taking it as if it were yesterday…

They had been cleaning out a small remaining Galbadian faction in Timber, just Squall and him. It was really more of a romantic getaway than a mission, at least in Irvine's opinion. Of course, Squall would have never admitted it, but Irvine knew he had planned it as such.

After a short day, they had wandered around to the last forests that stood in the once-densely populated area of Timber. The trees just kept getting used up...but the few that remained were more beautiful than any in the world.

Finally they had made their way to the beach, as Irvine always did for whatever reason...maybe it was the soothing sounds, the waves. Or maybe it was because it had a similar effect on Squall. The ocean always brought him out a little more, and it was on the beach that Irvine held most of his best memories of Squally.

Squall had suddenly broken contact from Irvine's hand, and walked up the beach to a small hill, where he sat. It was so purposeful, Irvine hadn't known quite what to make of it. Squall could never really say what it was either. But in any case, he sat on the dune, his face upturned slightly, looking off to the horizon. The ocean was bathed in moonlight, as was his face, and Irvine couldn't help but snap a photo or two.

It had seemed so breathtaking in person, but the photo had turned out to be something of an almost artistic caliber. It looked eerie and surreal on paper, and because of that, it reflected every aspect of Squall that Irvine knew, like the picture was a piece of Squall's soul.

It might have seemed petty, but Irvine couldn't let Squall keep the photo album. Not after seeing that picture and remembering that night. Yeah, it was petty. But it was the Galbadian in him.

Suddenly painfully aware that he was still in Squall's apartment, and that Squall's eyes were still bearing upon him, Irvine didn't really feel like he needed everything that he had left behind. But, he did want his clothes. He loved his clothes, and he didn't want to see Squall trouncing around in them. But Squall never did trounce...and he always wore the same thing anyway...no, I'm still getting my clothes.

"I'm getting my clothes," Irvine vocalized, spitting the words over his shoulder before he walked into the master bedroom. The room held nothing more than any other in the flat, and it actually held less. Squall had always been practical, until it came to beds. The room barely contained the huge bed, one that stretched from wall to wall on one side of the room. The only reason that Irvine could think of as to why a person would have a bed that size was if they had lots and lots of orgies. And not once had Squall had one while they were together...so maybe it was just a way to get out of having to put anything else in the room. Whatever the reason, that bed was extremely comfortable...the mattress came especially from Esthar, a gift from Laguna.

The other focus of the room was the huge closet that was the wall opposite the bed. The thing stretched, like the bed, from wall to wall. The doors to the closet were all mirrored, Irvine assumed, so that the orgy people could watch themselves go at it. Irvine felt sort of disappointed that they had never hosted an orgy, what with the bed and the mirrors...it seemed like such a waste now.

Irvine walked to the section of the closet furthest away from the door, which was the place Squall had endowed upon him to keep some of his possessions, so that he had extra clothes when he had stayed over. Irvine hadn't used the additional wardrobe all that much, thinking back. Squall had always been sure to keep their lives pretty much separate. Together, yes, for a few dates, or for fucking...but they had never lived together. Irvine thought that Squall had been warming up to the idea, until...

He grabbed the hat, the boots, and the torn faded jeans off the top of the dresser, and the few shirts, socks, and pairs of underwear from the other drawers, found a box, and shoved it all inside, desperately longing for his own bed to cry in. He took the photo album last, and slid it between a pair of jeans and a t-shirt in the middle of the box.

He brushed a tear from his eye, took a deep breath and one last glance around the room, and graced Squall with his presence in the warehouse-like main area of his apartment. He wasn't surprised that Squall was still sitting in the same place, doing the same thing. What he was surprised about, however, was that Squall hadn't said anything cruel to him yet. He was usually so good at it when he wasn't trying, so Irvine was prepared for Squall to crush his spirits even farther.

He walked to the door, stopping just before it to turn and gaze upon Squall one last time. Maybe he'll forgive me...maybe he'll forget...maybe...

But Squall was still, his arms crossed, and there was enough shadow that you couldn't see his face. Irvine was sure that if he could, it would be holding the same locked-down expression that it had taken on when he had walked in on Irvine and that girl fucking. Not hurt, not angry, just...alone.

He couldn't just leave, and not say his peace. He had held it in so well for the last week. He hadn't said a thing about it to anybody, not even Selphie. He had been saving this moment, his last hurrah, for Squall. Deep breath in...deep breath out...

"Squally..." he began slowly and softly, letting Squall hear the sorrow and guilt in his voice. "..I am so, so sorry." Wow, that sounds lame. "I am. Squall...I love you. And when I knew it, and I told you, and I was so happy...and you just weren't...Squall. It tore me up. Real bad." Squall still wasn't moving from his place, and Irvine couldn't tell what Squall's reaction was to the words. Maybe it was all for the best, just him saying it, and Squall listening.

"I was so dumb. It was like you broke me, and all that I had left was the old me...the one from Galbadia, all guns and women, and casual sex. And I guess I just did what I knew how to do." Silence still. "I'm not saying that it's justified, and I'm not saying that it was ok. What I am saying is that I would never have done that to you. Not consciously. You have to believe me babe..." He was crying. Stupid fucking Irvine, why am I crying? When did it start? He felt the hot tears rolling along his nose, and around his lips to drip from his chin.

He tilted his head forward, shielding his face from Squall the best he could with his hat while keeping turned in his direction. "Squall...Squally...I just wish I knew if you loved me back." He turned his back to Squall, the tears coming so fast and hard now that he couldn't keep it from his voice. He had to leave. "Sorry," he whispered in a strangled voice. Talking caused him to sob loudly, and he despairingly slapped his hand at the open button, finally connecting, and he stepped outside, the door swishing shut behind him, bringing his break with Squall to a sudden painful reality.

He pushed his back to the door, and slid to the floor all at once, unable to stand. And he allowed himself to fall apart, the sobs racking his body, convulsing him in shudder after shudder. He held the box in his lap as if it were the last solid thing on the planet.

Unbeknownst to Irvine, a scene strikingly similar, yet heart wrenching in its own right, was taking place on the other side of the door. Squall had taken refuge in the shadows of the kitchen, knowing that it was the one place that Irvine would be unable to see him. And with good reason.

When the doorbell had rang, Squall had just rolled over in bed and found a lilac ribbon lying across the pillow beside him. Even if he was as pissed as Sorceress Adel on a bad day with Irvine, the ribbon made him feel like shit. It made him feel like forgiving him. Like it hadn't mattered what Irvine had done, he could have blown up Garden for all he cared, he just wanted him back. He wanted to feel him curled against his back in the middle of the night, his arms holding him, making him let his guard down and feel safe. He wanted Irvine poking fun, teasing him at all the right times, teaching him not to take himself so seriously. He just wanted him.

And all at once, he felt an immense ocean of sorrow and guilt and below it all, anger, and the tears were just reaching his eyes...

And then the doorbell had rang.

For the most part he had managed to keep himself calm while Irvine roamed about collecting his belongings. Seeing him in person, drunk and obviously disheveled, had made Squall's anger a little more justifiable. And with that slight justification, Squall maintained a position of anger until Irvine reached the door.

But once he started talking...and saying all of those things, all of those horrible truths...Squall knew deep down it wasn't all Irvine's fault. It was his fault, his stupid fault for being so cold, for lying to not only Irvine, but to himself. He loved Irvine just as much as Irvine loved him, he just couldn't bear to say it. Rinoa...all of that had just shut him down even more. It was so impossible to show his emotions, to love another person. They would just hurt you...

And because of it, because of him, it had happened. Not just because people will hurt you, but because he hadn't had the courage to say, "I love you." Because of that, Irvine had found a way to hurt him. It was all his fault.

When the door closed, Squall was crying, silently, but with the same force of Irvine's sobs. He shook and shuddered, his head cradled in his hands, and tears poured from his eyes, dripping and pattering on the cold floor.


	2. Chapter 2

Irvine awoke and realized two things at once: he had way too much Galbadian Pure vodka last night, and he had to get to the bathroom as fast as he could.

The vodka that had helped him last night only hindered him this morning, throwing itself around in his stomach like choppy ocean waves. His stomach reacted to each wave with a wave of its own, the nausea intensely compacting his stomach in on itself, threatening to empty with each and every spasm.

Irvine would be damned if he was going to have a hangover. He had things that he needed to do today, and as much as he would have liked to escape to the clubs of Deling, his ties and responsibilities to the Garden took precedence.

He junctioned the Brothers, who seemed to be a little groggy themselves from the hard night. That happened sometimes, when Guardians became closely tied to the people that they served. They began to bond, to become closer than two separate entities, almost as if being so close to a person granted them their own humanity. It was still being looked into in Esthar, and the scientists there were quick to dispel the rumor, but Irvine knew it was true. He and the Brothers had been through a lot together, and even if that meant that there were weird magical bonds between them, he couldn't just let them go. He couldn't let any of his Guardians go.

_Esuna_ The magic poured over him, starting from his head and pouring down his body. It felt like somebody had cracked an egg over his head and the whites were dripping from his brow. Odd.

He slipped out of junction. He didn't see a point in draining power from Guardians all day when he wasn't in any immediate danger.

A shower. That was what he needed. Esuna didn't help with lack of sleep, and from what he could remember, it had been four in the morning when he got back...and it was six now. So shower first, coffee after.

Squall was already up. Had been all night. Now he was standing on what was once the flight deck for the Garden, when it had been mobile. After defeating Ultimecia, they had returned Balamb back to its old location. There had been no need to wander about- that's why they had the Ragnarok. So, until there was another sorceress battle, it would remain where it had been since he could remember.

Raised about twenty feet above the ground of the office, the flight deck offered a magnificent view of the surrounding area. The forest nestled against the edges of the Garden, lovely to look upon and offering practical shade and a slight hindrance for any invading forces. Beyond that were the plains, long and flat, stretching to the coastline.

And then there was the coast. Squall often found himself in this same position on most days: trying to get work done, but always ending up standing, gazing out to the ocean, and the repetition of the waves crashing in, pulling out, an endless cycle.

Maybe he liked staring at the waves because they reminded him of Irvine. Or more accurately, of he and Irvine making love. Irvine crashing in, pulling out...a cycle of his own, sometimes seeming endless with the control that he held. Squall's brow crinkled in a frown. He wasn't going to think about Irvine anymore. He hadn't been able to do anything else all night, and it wasn't only his own time that he was wasting, it was the Garden's as well.

He heard a click and the buzz of the elevator to the flight deck. Great. It seemed like he had not had a single moment of privacy since Cid had appointed him commander. Yeah, he had adapted since then, come out of his shell a little, but he still longed for the time he had had to himself when he was only a cadet, only a SeeD.

Squall continued to gaze across the forests and the plains to the sea as the elevator ascended.

"Commander," the intruder said, using his title as a greeting. From the pause after, she was saluting, even if he wasn't facing her. "Commander, I've come to report."

He turned to face Xu, leaving a bit of a frown on his face for a fleeting second, just his way of telling her that he hated the way she always interrupted any private moment he had, no matter how small. She looked slightly hurt for a brief moment, but she too was an expert of hiding her emotions. Her face slid behind her usual mask, slightly amused with a hint of a smile in her eyes. How she had been able to perfect the eyes was beyond Squall. Maybe he'd ask her one day.

"The reports of Galbadian forces occupying Trabia Garden have been confirmed," Xu began. There wasn't any hint of anger or sadness in her voice. Squall felt bad for snapping at her. He had always been bad at dealing with anger, or any emotions for that matter. His closest friends always ended up being his emotional punching bags. He would apologize to her. Later. He swore it.

Xu shuffled a little from foot to foot, betraying her otherwise collected front. "The group we sent to Trabia returned early this morning, and they didn't have much to report. It seems that the Galbadians have managed to keep this very private. Other than the fact that they are occupying Trabia, they haven't made public their intentions."

"Who am I kidding…we all know what's really going on here, Squall," Xu said, ambition and anger flowing to her eyes. "Galbadia has been talking about the advantages a mobile military base would hold. The power it could give them. Trabia has just finished rebuilding...and the lack of students made it childishly easy to overtake. We shouldn't waste anytime, Squall." Xu took a step toward him, close enough that she had to look up to meet his eyes. "We need to nullify the threat before it becomes impossible," she breathed.

She was so close to him, so alive, her eyes searching his. She smelled of vanilla, the scent light and flowery, intoxicating him with every breath. The look that had crossed her face when he had glared at her was familiar. Squall thought that it was probably close to the same that his face had held when he had caught Irvine. Xu mistook the grimace from the memory as being directed at her, and her happy mask wavered.

Oh what the hell. Squall bent his head, closing the space between them, his eyes closing a second before his lips found hers. Xu squealed gently in surprise, but after the initial shock, she melted under his lips, her hands wrapping around his neck.

He kissed her gently; his lips pressed softly against hers, so soft, tasting of peppermint, the gloss she wore making his lips glide across hers like velvet. Xu opened her mouth slightly, licking Squall's bottom lip quickly, before thrusting it against the seam of his closed mouth.

He looked down into her face, and Xu had her eyes closed still. The passion and heat shown on her face told Squall that she had probably been looking forward to this moment for a long time. He immediately felt guilty. He had just meant for the kiss to be a...friendly gesture. He had just wanted to cheer her up, to tell her he was sorry. Or maybe he had unknowingly adopted some of Irvine's lust. When had his first reaction to a hurting friend ever been to kiss their pain away?

He didn't feel like that about Xu. She was very pretty. And so damn smart, in a very sexy, authoritative way. But Squall couldn't help but feel as if her were leading her on. And he was still shaken that he had pounced on Xu. He just wasn't like that; support by physical intimacy was usually Irvine's policy, not his.

He reached behind his neck, and gently unclasped Xu's hands, guiding them to her sides. Her ebony eyes opened slowly, and they rapidly flicked back and forth, searching his face for signs as to why they had stopped. Squall gave her a gentle smile, trying desperately to force a warmth into his eyes that they normally didn't hold on their own. Dammit, it was too bad that he was an expert of icy glares, not warm smiles like the façade that Xu wore.

"Begin making preparations to send a group of SeeDs to Trabia to nix the Galbadians' pursuits at once," Squall said in his best commander voice, lending neither warmth nor coldness to his tone. The comment was meant to be taken at face value, and only that. He would just act as if the kiss never happened.

Xu, however, wanted the kiss to resume. And she was going to replay that moment over and over again. She licked her lips, and slid them together, like she was applying Squall's saliva as a balm. She bit her bottom lip slowly as Squall talked, and as he finished, her attempt at a seductive smile faded. It was over. She slipped into a particularly perky grin.

"Of course, Commander," she said, trying to catch his eyes, which he avoided expertly. "I'll contact you after preparations are made, and you can select a party to send." She saluted, winked coyly, and took the elevator out of his office.

When he heard the door close, he turned and looked over the ocean again. All he had wanted was a little peace and quiet. And now he was no better than Irvine.

The pot of coffee was better than the pit of sleepiness that threatened to wash over him and consume him like a gigantic tidal wave. But if he were granted a choice between the two, Irvine would have chosen to listen to the complaints that his body was making, and he would have been far gone into a deep, deep rest. Ideally. Ideals were good and all, but they didn't put clothes on your back, so Irvine was making his way to the elevator to meet with the Commander for mission briefing. Just the person he wanted to see first thing in the morning.

Irvine yawned, a monstrous, jaw-cracking thing that caused a deep shudder to thrum throughout his body. Hyne was he ever tired.

Soft, quick footsteps behind him filtered the unrest from his bones, and he turned with a huge grin on his face to see Selphie, who leapt off of the ground and into his arms, almost throwing him off balance on the stairs before the lift. She wrapped her legs around his waist, and he cupped her ass lightly in his hands. No, they had never had sex, and he knew Selph wasn't planning to anytime soon, so he kept it relatively innocent. As much as he could.

Selphie cocked her head to the side in curiosity. "Why are you so happy this morning, Cowboy?"

He really wasn't happy. But he could never keep a smile from his lips whenever Selph was around. She was always happy, bubbly energy, hugs and kisses. How anybody could be cranky around her was a mystery. Hell, even Squall had admitted to him one night that he internally smiled every time he saw her too. Now that was saying something: Mr. All-work-and-no-play Commander thought she was _cute_.

"I'm just happy to have the cutest little thing in Balamb in my arms…and the cutest little ass in my hands," Irvine teased, pinching a cheek lightly.

Selphie dropped from Irvine's grip, crossing her arms and stamping her foot. "Irvine Kinneas! How dare you act as if I am just a piece of flesh for your enjoyment!" she said in mock anger.

Irvine gave her a slow grin. "You know I only say it because it's the truth: you really do have a cute butt."

"Do I really?" Selphie asked in mock-modesty, craning her neck over each shoulder, as if she were trying to see what exactly he was talking about.

"Knock it off, you conceited little Trabian," Irvine said, with a slap on Selphie's butt. "Come on, we wouldn't want to keep the person who has an even cuter _leather-clad _ass waiting."

Selphie stood her ground, with her hands on her hips. "Hey! No fair, there can only be one person who has the cutest butt…is it me, or him?"

"Well, I would have said him, but you know how it goes…" Irvine trailed off, and tried his best at a casual smile. "Exes are always a sore subject."

"Oh Irvy, I'm so sorry. You know I've always been horrible at teasing, I never know when to stop…" she walked up beside him, and wrapped her arm around the closest thing she could reach, which was his waist. He forgot sometimes how much taller he was. "Did something bad happen last night…did he hurt you? 'Cause if he did, you know I would march right into that bastard's office and teach him-"

"It's alright," Irvine interrupted. It was a bad idea to get Selphie riled up. She never could control herself when it came to protecting the people she cared about. Maybe it was deep motherly instincts. She had had them since…well, forever. He could still remember Selphie comforting him through particularly terrifying thunderstorms.

"Well, not really alright…" Irvine saw the defensiveness reappear on Selphie's face. "We didn't get into a fight, Selph!" he said sharply. She glowered at him. She had stopped looking vengeful, but Irvine could tell she didn't believe him.

"I just went to get my stuff last night, that's all. And we did it like two mature adults." Irvine punched the call button for added emphasis.

Selphie smirked. "I thought you said you two broke up?" she asked coyly.

"What are you talking about? Haven't you been listening, I just got my…" Irvine realized what she was getting at. "Selph! I swear, sometimes you have a dirtier mind than me, and I'm the one with the reputation. We didn't 'do it.' We didn't do anything." Irvine crossed his arms. He wished they had done something, at least for novelty's sake…you know, like goodbye sex. Just the thought of Squall in leather got him hard. He always had looked irre-fucking-sistible in leather pants.

Selphie was quiet for a moment, and Irvine knew better than to feel relieved. If she was ever quiet for longer than five seconds, it meant that she was only collecting words, like a sort of an internal verbal dam. It stopped it for a while, but once it started coming out, it took forever to end.

The elevator opened, and the two stepped inside, the silence starting to pool around them. Finally, Selphie turned to Irvine, and grabbed his hand, wrapping her own hands around it. She yanked his arm, turning him toward her, and when he met her eyes, they were full of a sadness, a sorrow that was not typically Selphie.

"Irvine, I don't know what to do. I'm so, so sorry. I know that you loved him a lot, and it kills me that I can't help you with how you feel. I've never seen you so angry, hurt, sad, depressed, guilt-ridden…just fucking miserable. It's scary, Irvy. You're my rock. You've always been the one to hold me together when my world's falling apart. And I want to do the same for you…" Selphie dipped her head, finishing her sentence to the floor. "…I just don't know how," she whispered.

Irvine had no idea that his pain cost Selphie the same. Until then, he hadn't been sure of her feelings towards him. He had always suspected that her role of mother from younger years had stuck with her, and there were no other feelings to be had. But the pain that was visible in her eyes (part her own, part sorrow on his part) was evidence enough of the love she had for him.

"I'm so sorry cowboy…" she whispered, pulling his arm, yanking his head down, and she released his arm to grab his face. She looked into his eyes warmly before closing her own and pulling him into a comforting kiss, just lips on lips, offering comfort similar to a hug. She pulled back from him, as both knew better than to take the moment any further, and she smiled at him, a look that was hardly convincing with eyes full of shimmering tears. "I'll always be there for you, you know that," she offered.

Irvine swallowed, forcing back the choking tears that were threatening to flow forward from the compassion that Selphie had showed him. He swallowed once more before trusting his voice not to crack. "Of course Selph, and I'll always be there for you," he said in a breathless hush, all he could manage. He hugged her then, grabbing her and holding her tightly against his chest, while she stroked the ponytail trailing down his spine, and he caressed her sides lightly with the tips of his fingers. Old comforting habits they had remembered from when they were children. They stood together until the elevator dinged, and slid open.

Rinoa was late, fucking late again. Squall was going to kill her.

Well last night had definitely been...memorable. She smiled and felt a thrill quiver through her body at just the thought. And then she yawned, stretching the muscles in her body, taut from aggressive use the night before. She had to stop pulling these...all nighters.

All nighter...this brought all new meaning to the phrase. She could imagine the look on Quistis' face if she ever used it in that context in front of her.

_..."Rinoa, have you pulled another all nighter?"..."Yes Quisty, and let me tell you how delightful it was to be rocking the bed frame until the wee hours of the morning...how you're missing out!"..._

She turned in circles, eyes shifting furiously, searching the room. Where in the hell was her sweater? Ah.

The end of a blur sleeve poked out at her from under a sleeping man...and what a cute sleeping man he was. Every time she saw him, Rinoa always wondered what he saw in her. An emotionally scarred sorceress bitch...who would want to deal with _her_ baggage? She swept her bangs from her eyes with a slight gesture, and a smile graced her full lips. Roane always looked cute when he was sleeping.

Suddenly, he snorted in mid-snore, and rolled over, obscuring the view Rinoa had had of a long line of thigh and tight, firm stomach muscles, leading up to the bulging, hard curves of his chest, pink nipples tightened from the chilly morning temperature. His black shoulder-length hair, normally pulled into a ponytail at the nape of his neck, was disheveled, covering his face, and sleepy lids covered his light amber eyes. Dammit, there he was, distracting her again, and he wasn't even conscious.

Squall wasn't going to send her out on any more missions if she was late all the time. He had threatened as much the last time she was late. And the time before. Hyne bless it all, she wasn't going to be late this time. 7:50. She could be there in ten minutes. She had to be.

As gently as she could, she tugged the sweater from under Roane's sleep-heavy body, managing not to wake him in the process. But then again, he was a heavy sleeper. So unlike Squall...

Rinoa sighed. She missed him. She missed him more than he would ever know. She regretted ever fucking up what they had...but that was the past. She needed to focus on the present- brushing her hair and running to the meeting.

She made her way out of the room quietly, and arrived at the elevator. She hit the call button, and glanced at the digital clock set above the Garden directory: 7:56. She hit the call button a few more times for good measure: where was the blasted thing?

Just as she was preparing to hit the button again, she heard a ding, and the door slid open. She darted in, and prayed as the elevator ascended that she would not be late.

Her nerves were fraying as the doors opened on the third floor antechamber, the secretarial office. The clock on the wall read 7:59. She let a small smile reach her lips. It was a small victory after all. Squall couldn't fire her.

She walked into his office; Squall was pacing in front of his desk, obviously displeased at her. She found Irvine and Selphie sitting in chairs in front of his desk. As she made her way into the room, she cleared her throat, not wanting to say anything to piss Squall off, or to give him a reason to fire her. She knew he was looking for one.

He stopped mid-step, his eyes squinting in a glare. "Rinoa," he said, acknowledging her. He was pissed that she arrived as late as she could, but since she technically wasn't late, he couldn't reprimand her. "Sit," he ordered.

She did as she was told, remaining silent.

Squall wandered over to the middle of the desk standing before the rest of the group. He leaned against it, resting his butt on the hard wood. "Alright, here's the situation: the Galbadian army has commandeered Trabia Garden, wanting to use it as a mobile base. For what, only Hyne knows, but this gives them a great deal of power, and-"

"Those sons-a-bitches!" Selphie interrupted, tears welling in her eyes. "How can they do this? Why Trabia? Galbadia Garden is right there, for fuck's sake! We just finished rebuilding...and... and..." she began to sob, the tears that had pooled in her large green eyes rushing forth, streaming down her blushed cheeks. Rinoa went to stand, to go and comfort her friend, but Irvine beat her to it, pulling her prone body from the floor, and returning to his chair with her grieving in his lap. He stroked her head, whispering in her ear, trying to calm her down.

Squall had anticipated Selphie's reaction; she had just gotten back from her last trip to Trabia, checking to make sure that the construction crew had everything up to par. They were supposed to open their doors at the start of next month, but now...And he felt it was only right for Selphie to be a part of this mission. She deserved her revenge.

Irvine managed to calm Selphie down, and her sobs lessened into tears. He wiped them from her face as they dripped from her eyes. She turned to face Squall, to listen to the rest of the briefing. The sadness that had filled her eyes was replaced by fierce intensity, and Squall knew that she was hanging on every word.

"They haven't moved Trabia yet. Maybe they haven't found the controls- Trabia _is _the only Garden that hasn't initiated mobility recently. It might be that Galbadia is still preparing the place- we don't know. They have Trabia sealed tight. We weren't able to gain much from recon."

He looked at the group he was sending. Rinoa, who had broken his heart when he was most vulnerable, and even though a small part of him hated her still, deep down he just wanted to mend things, and become friends. Selphie, normally all energy, and chatter, now dimmed from the disappointment that, after all she had put into it, Trabia was under Galbadian control, and could very well be damaged again. And Irvine...

Fuck, he was in love with him, even if he had cheated on him. Squall felt like it was pretty much all his fault that Irvine had done it in the first place. Because he couldn't acknowledge what he and Irvine had shared, something dumb had happened, and as much as he wanted to hug him and tell him that it was all okay, he felt a distance there that hadn't been there before. A distance that hadn't been there, even when they had been separated for weeks or more, away on missions. There was something about being together intimately, knowing all the deep secrets of a person, trusting another completely, and then having that trust broken that created a bigger feeling of distance than actual physical distance, or time apart. It took him and Irvine back to square one, like the beginnings of a friendship. Squall didn't know how long it was going to take before he and Irvine would be back to anything that even resembled the relationship they had shared.

This was the group that he was going to send...against the whole Galbadian army? It had felt right...but what if something happened? What if Irvine got hurt, or captured, or worse? Or Rinoa? Or even Selphie? He couldn't just send them off on their way, trusting they could get the job done.

He had never doubted himself before; it was probably because Irvine had shattered the reality he used to know, the one that he had finally allowed himself to have, having trust, loving, caring. But he wasn't going to be old Squall; he wasn't going to send off the people he loved to die, at least, not without him being there along side them.

He needed all the help that he could get. But he wanted to keep the group relatively small...it was usually easier that way. So he needed the best the Garden had to offer. Fuck, it was probably going to make things shitty, but he needed him.

"Rinoa?" he said, getting her attention. She looked at him with a blank face; if he said anything to her, it was usually because he was pissed at her for some reason. She had learned to expect as much. "If I needed to find Roane, where would I call?"

She looked at him, surprised that he would want to contact her boyfriend. And then she realized she would have to tell him where Roane stayed last night...of course Squall knew that they were shacking up, but it was embarrassing all the same, telling your ex-boyfriend that your current boyfriend had stayed over the night before. "My room," she said, trying to force the blood that had rushed to her face back to the rest of her body.

Squall nodded, and reached behind him to pick up the phone. He dialed the number, and it took a few rings before Roane picked up. He must have been awake- he wouldn't have heard the phone, otherwise. "Roane? This is Squall. I need you in my office. Mission briefing." He hung up without so much as a goodbye.

Rinoa was burning with curiosity, and even if Squall hated her, she still needed to ask. "Is Roane coming along also?"

Squall regarded her with the same semi-frown he had been wearing all morning. "Yes, and so am I. The situation needs to be nullified before things get out of hand. That's why I'm only taking the best we have along with us. If Zell and Quistis weren't away in Esthar, I wouldn't need Roane," he said, making his distaste for the man evident.

Rinoa was elated, but unable to experience all of her excitement. She was going to have her first mission with her boyfriend...but her ex was going to be coming along. And Irvine.

Irvine had been almost as hurt as Squall had been when Rinoa had cheated on him. Maybe it was because he and Squall had been best friends, or maybe it was because she and Irvine had been close as well. For whatever reason, he hadn't been the same with her since it happened. She didn't know why he was still so bitter about it: he had gotten Squall out of the deal, after all. She sighed. At least she had Roane and Selphie.

They waited in silence, Irvine still cradling Selphie in his lap, Rinoa thinking about how she was going keep Squall from pissing off Roane, and Squall wondering how in the hell he ever got into a circumstance where he had to go on a mission with his recent ex-boyfriend, his ex-girlfriend, and his ex-girlfriend's boyfriend.

_The name of Rinoa's boyfriend, "Roane," borrowed from a character of the same name in "A Kiss of Shadows," by Laurell K. Hamilton_


	3. Chapter 3

Zell sighed, pushing his mostly full plate across the table. He just wasn't hungry. He hadn't had a single hot dog since he'd come to Esthar, and it was beginning to show. He had lost five pounds. Maybe if Estharian food weren't so shitty...for being the most advanced country on the planet, with all of the technology and impressive architecture, you would think they would spend a little more time on their food. To Zell, it seemed like they only cared that it fed them, not so much about the taste.

He wondered if it was too soon to call Quistis again. She still wasn't in.

He felt endlessly restless, and wandered over to gaze out of the window wall and look at the city. Having traveled all around the world, Zell still thought that the lights over Esthar after dark were the most stunning things he had ever seen. They glimmered and twinkled and shined out to the end of the horizon, almost as if the stars in the sky had fallen to earth and decided to stay there. The scene brought out the kid in him, making him giddy and causing him to break into a huge smile. Quisty was missing out.

How she could stay out so late, working well into every morning, and starting over again at dawn, Zell had no idea. All that he wanted was to have her there, to hold her safely in his arms until he drifted off into peaceful sleep. Wow...the whole thing was so bizarre.

It had happened almost as an accident. They had gone out their first night in Esthar...strangely, it had been Quistis' idea. They downed shots, trying to one-up each other, until they both got so drunk that they couldn't stand straight. As they attempted to make it back to the Presidential Palace, rather unsuccessfully, Quistis tripped over her own foot, and rolled over and over until she stopped flat on her back. Zell had laughed hysterically, and tried to pull her to her feet, but only succeeded in falling on top of her.

His lips ended up resting on hers, and they had looked each other in the eyes, gauging the other's reaction. Quistis looked at him teasingly, and Zell's eyes had been filled with lust, desire that had filled him to the brim since...forever. He had still never been with a girl...

In her intoxicated bravery, Quistis had made the first move, kissing him gently, and then gradually wiggling her tongue between virgin lips to taste him. She had caressed his tongue with hers, and Zell, in his inexperience, let her take charge. She flicked her tongue across the roof of his mouth, causing him to jolt with the tickling sensation.

They had somehow managed to find their way back to her room, suddenly sobered a little by the heat they felt. She had pushed him to the bed, not even waiting for him to settle before pulling her dress up and over her head, leaving her body bare and exposed, skin glistening with beads of sweat still dripping from the muggy heat of the club. Zell remembered not being able to breath, that his throat had tightened so much from surprise and a lust he had never felt before that it left him incapable of drawing air into his lungs. He remembered a similar tightness in his pants, his dick so hard that it screamed out in the need to be touched, to be played with, to be relieved of the hardness that practically threatened to burst the skin.

Quistis had smirked at him, completely understanding what he was feeling. It had not been long ago that she was a virgin cadet taken by an experienced teacher. She remembered that the lust that had, for the most part, lain dormant for those 16 years of her life, had ignited in a fiery furnace under even the slightest of touches from the man. And when she had seen his body in all of its glory, the curved, broad shoulders, the muscular thighs, his straining cock, she had been on overdrive, no longer even thinking, just functioning alone on the primal urges her body had presented her with.

Zell had been taken over. As soon as her breasts had been exposed, falling and resting slightly against her chest, light pink nipples already hard and jutting from the milky curves, his dick had reached a whole new level of hard, almost feeling as if it were going to come on its own accord. His body had trembled almost violently, in a sort of pre-orgasm, and he felt his conscious mind take a back seat to the sexual being that he never knew lived inside his head.

Quistis had teased him long enough. She had crawled up the length of his body, pulling his head up to hers to steal another kiss, before resting her body along the line of his to grab his shirt, raising herself onto elbows to pull it non-too-gently over his head. Ooooo...a nipple ring. She had pulled on it gently, and then brought her mouth to it, grabbing it between her teeth and pulling until she produced a sound from him, slight pain, but overwhelming that, pleasure. She released the ring, looking up into Zell's eyes, almost unable to see the real him underneath all of pure pleasure his body was riding on. He looked desperate.

The look was enough; she was done taking it slow. She wanted Zell's cherry and she wanted it now. She had undone his belt, pulling it from his hips while he arched his back to make it easier. She unbuttoned his shorts, and jerked them and his boxers down his legs while Zell remained in the same position. He laid back down on the bed, and she pulled the clothing from his ankles, releasing his body into the full nudity it desired, and she had barely taken him all in before she walked on her knees, straddling his body, until she came to his cock, purple with need, and sat back, taking him inside of her in one smooth motion. He glided into her with ease, her wetness practically pouring from inside.

Quistis had found his eyes once again, and she knew that they were a reflection of her own: just on this side of total chaos. She gave in to the chaos, and felt herself finally slip away. She raised herself above him, and crashed down without regard for how it would make him feel. Although it did hurt, being as she was falling on his dick, the pain was blocked out, all white noise hissing behind the pleasure that was exploding all around him, flooding every sense in pure ecstasy.

She had continued to rise and fall like choppy sea waves, suddenly rising, unpredictable, reaching far, far above him, almost pulling herself free from his hardness, before pounding down, dropping all of her weight on his dick, using the momentum to thrust him deep inside of her, hitting places deep within that she could never reach on her own. As he felt the sudden pressure building within him, he had begun to thrust his hips upward to meet her, pounding and slapping into one another until the orgasm burst over her, causing her to buck and thrash, losing the rhythm they had built together. As she tightened around him, he felt himself begin to go, and he drilled his way into her, lifting her useless body himself, and smashing her down to his hips, while he continued to thrust until he finally came, his back arching, hands clenching on Quistis' hips.

They had fallen into each other's embrace, shuddering and laughing, enjoying the moment, the escape it was meant to be for her; the first time, for him.

And it had only grown from there. Quistis hadn't been aware of the feelings she had been harboring for Zell, her own student. What she had thought were the admiration and pride one felt when they were able to mold such a great student were really feelings of caring and compassion, feelings a teacher _might_ feel for a student, but never express. They took advantage of the first night to have a second...and a third...and, unpredictably, they had grown to become a couple.

Zell was still surprised how in just a month, he had grown to care about her in such a way that he had never experienced before. He was genuinely worried that she wouldn't make it home, that something might happen, that he would never feel her body pressed against him again.

He heard a beep, and the door opened. She was home.

As soon as Roane opened the door and saw Squall's face glaring down at him from his raised desk, he knew something was up. He knew it had been too good to be true: Squall finally regarding him as a part of Garden? Hardly. The only reason Roane could think of that would make Squall "stoop" low enough to call him was a lack of bodies for whatever the mission was. He knew he was the last person Squall would ever send: petty on Squall's part, but absolutely true.

Rinoa had turned to look at him, trying desperately to make eye contact, which Roane adverted. Why did he always try to be so damn diplomatic? It was pointless. As much as Squall would like to say that he acted entirely professional, it was impossible to ignore the bias he held towards Roane, merely because he and Rinoa were together. It would always be that way. Rinoa felt bad for Roane: the bad blood between he and Squall was starting to put a damper on him, financially. At least Roane would be going with them to Trabia, even if he were only an act of desperation on Squall's part.

Roane strode into the room effortlessly, ignoring Squall's glare and Rinoa's searching eyes. He would give good SeeD face, assuming Squall wanted him for a "mission," and not just to persecute him in front of Rinoa and her friends. He walked to stand between the chairs that held Rinoa and Irvine with Selphie in his lap, keeping his eyes locked on Squall's, stopping within a foot of the desk, saluting. "Commander."

Rinoa had to admire him, putting on a smile and acting as if Squall was just the person he wanted to see. Roane had taken Squall's hatred for him on an entirely personal level, which Rinoa knew wasn't true at all. Squall would have hated anybody that Rinoa had been with, because they were with her, the woman that had betrayed him.

And of course, she had to admire his body...the solid black t-shirt clung to his his torso like a second skin, pulled tight across the broad expanse of chest. His nipples, hardened from the friction of the fabric, caused small bumps on the otherwise smooth plane. The shirt draped a little around his stomach, from his chest filling the shirt so well, but it met skin again at his waist, and it ended just above his pants. Rinoa knew that if he raised his arms at all, the hard, tight ripples of his stomach would peek out...just the thought made her want to run her hands across it, but she contained herself. The jeans he donned were faded and worn, the fabric threatening to fray in several places, and holes already worn through appeared on the right knee and on his left thigh, showing flashes of skin tanned a rich golden brown. Rinoa knew that it wasn't a tan- he looked that way year round. The black from the shirt matched his dark brows and hair, making his amber eyes look unnaturally bright, almost like cat eyes. Damn, he was beautiful. Rinoa crossed her legs, barely containing herself from jumping out of her seat and raping him right there in the middle of Squall's office.

Roane noticed the motion out of the corner of his eye, and couldn't contain the beginnings of a grin from his face. He loved the way she reacted to his body, like she knew no other when he was around. He felt exactly the same way about her. Hyne, she was the hottest fucking thing in the Garden. He couldn't see how Squall hadn't appreciated her.

Squall took the time to explain the situation to Roane, even mentioning that the only reason he was asking Roane to come was because there was no other SeeDs available. Roane managed to hide the hurt from his face. He wanted nothing more than to be close to all of Rinoa's friends, but Squall outright hated him. Zell...well, he was too out there for him. Quistis and Selphie were both great to him. And Irvine, well, Roane knew him from Galbadia, and Irvine wasn't petty enough to hate him just for being with Rinoa.

Roane nodded. "I understand. What's the plan?" he asked.

Squall squinted his eyes at him in irritation. He had just been getting to that. He leaned against the desk again, settling in the wood. "Galbadia hasn't made themselves too comfortable just yet. Trabia has only been under their occupation for three days. If we can get in there by tomorrow, and take control of the flight deck, then we should be able to get them to surrender. Galbadia doesn't use guardians, and we have plenty of them, so they shouldn't pose much of a threat."

Rinoa glanced over to Selphie, who looked like a different person, with the ferocity and anger that was burning in her eyes. She had only seen Selphie like this once before- when she had learned that Trabia had been hit by the missiles that Galbadia had launched to destroy the Garden. She wasn't herself until she fulfilled the internal promise she had made: after they destroyed Ultimecia. Rinoa had the feeling that as much as Selphie had been in the fight to save the world, or to save her friends, she had probably been just as focused on getting her revenge. This time was no different.

"So are we just going to barge in, kick ass, and hope that we can defeat however many troops are there?" Roane asked, challenging Squall's plan. "Are we sneaking in? What? What the hell are we doing? Because 'taking control of the flight deck' sounds pretty vague to me."

Rinoa's jaw dropped. Roane was just asking to get his ass booted from this mission, his one chance to prove himself to Squall. Looking at Squall's face, she thought that he probably felt the same way.

"Well, _Roane_, seeing as we aren't exactly _there_ right now, it's impossible to say exactly _what_ we're going to be doing. Unless you have some master plan," Squall suggested with an intense glare directed at Roane, his voice hissing between clenched teeth.

Roane stopped himself before he said something _really_ stupid, swallowing his pride. "No, Commander," he said, dropping his eyes.

"Alright then, we're leaving at 18:00 hours. Meet at the front gate," Squall said, dismissing the group for the rest of the day.

They stopped just outside of the door to Selphie's room, Irvine looking down at the tiny fragile woman that was grasping his hand as if he were the last solid thing on the earth. She hadn't said anything since they had left Squall's office, and Irvine hadn't expected her to, and hadn't tried to fill the silence himself. He knew that she needed the time to think it all through. Fucking Galbadians. He hated to see her like this- hurt, shocked, pained...broken.

He rubbed his thumb reassuringly across the back of her hand, drawing her eyes up to meet his. He gave her a comforting smile. "Selph, I'm so sorry. Things are gonna be all right, you know they are. I'll bet they're shivering in their cheap boots just thinking about the wicked Selphie that took down Ultimecia coming and knocking on their door."

She forced a small smile. "Thanks, Irvy, but I need to be alone, so..." she trailed off.

Irvine took her other hand, and clasped them both between his own. "Oh, I don't think so. I'm not gonna let you get trashed before we go off to save Trabia." He hadn't known for a long time that Selphie dealt with her problems in one way- alcohol. Whenever something bad happened, Selphie became what was known as a "functioning alcoholic." Not terribly smashed, just drunk enough to have a great buzz and still get things done.

"Don't do this to me, Irvine. Fucking Galbadia had invaded Trabia...the Trabia that I've been working so hard to fix. I need a drink," she ended, leaving a weight in the air that said she would not be denied.

"Selph...it's not healthy. Drinking all the time. I know things haven't been great or anything, but-"

"No, Irvine, no they haven't been great, or good, for fuck's sake," she said viciously, ripping her hands away. "I don't want to hear this from you. Up till now, you've had Squall...and Rinoa's had Roane...Zell's still playing the virgin; Quistis, the instructor...and me..."

She sighed, looking up and up into Irvine's eyes. "I haven't had anybody. Nobody, Irvine. Not even you. You've been so wrapped up in Squall the last few months, and Rinoa, with Roane...Quistis has been away for a month...hell, I didn't even have Zell to talk to."

Fuck, had he really been that self-involved that he hadn't been there for his friend as her life fell apart? Had he really alienated her so much as to drive her into depression? And now she was drinking to solve her problems...not just casually, but from the tone that Selphie had taken on, and from what she said, it screamed addiction.

Irvine grasped her shoulders lightly, his fingers kneading the tense muscles. "Selphie...I hadn't realized.." He pulled her into a hug, clutching her small body to his in an effort to show just how sorry he was. "Now that Squall and I are..I'm not going to ignore you Selph. I can't believe that I ever did. I'm sorry..." He rubbed her sides, absentmindedly, with the tips of his fingers.

Selphie stood in his embrace, her arms to her sides. He was hugging her for his own benefit, not for her's. She knew it. He felt bad for not being there for her. He didn't feel bad for what she was going through, only guilty that he hadn't been there for support.

Irvine finally loosened his arms, releasing her. She took a few steps back, making it easier to meet his eyes, not having to crane her neck back. His face bore tear streaks, leading from his eyes down to his chin. He did feel bad. She felt guilty for ever thinking that Irvine would intentionally hurt her.

"Oh Irvine..." she whispered, pulling him into a hug that rivaled the intensity of Irvine's. She pulled back after a moment, holding his hands at an arm's length, looking again at his sad face, this time with a bright smile on her face. "It's ok! Really, it is. Just don't forget me again, all right? You wouldn't want me to have to kick your ass," she said with a small wink.

This produced a slight giggle from Irvine, which ended up becoming an all-out laugh, until he was left gasping for breath, bent in the middle, hands braced against knees.

"Hey, it wasn't that funny! Irvine, stop laughing at me!" Selphie said, jerking on his arm, pulling him upright.

Irvine managed to stop laughing, a startling contrast to the tears that had been flowing only seconds earlier. Wow, he was an emotional wreck.

"Selph, let's get out of here, eh? How 'bout you and I go into Balamb and get some lunch? My treat."

Selphie grinned at him. It might take a while, but she felt like things between them would return to normal, eventually. She could trust him again...they could be best friends. Life didn't suck so badly, after all. "Of course, Cowboy, since you're paying. I'll be sure to order everything on the menu!" she said, tapping the end of his nose with her index finger.

"Oh, you brat!" He laughed, putting an arm around her waist and rumpling her hair as they walked off to the garage to get a car and relax for the rest of the day.

300 channels and nothing on. Zell dropped the remote on the empty couch cushion beside him. Living is Esthar was torture. Torture! Spending a month in Esthar would drive anybody crazy, he thought. Sure, it was all high-tech this, and nifty-gizmo that, but Zell didn't want that. He wanted room to run around, to do back flips, to do _anything_. It was all so cramped and space-conscious.

He looked around the room, which was probably no different than the million others that made up the Presidential Palace. White walls, white drapes, whiter couches. Cream-colored paintings in off-white frames. White carpet with a white throw rug. Hell, even the TV was white.

He pulled himself heavily from the depths of the over-stuffed couch, and walked to the windows that made up the far wall of the room. He pulled a drapery aside, looking over the town...anything to break the monotony of white that was the apartment. Not that pink and purple plastic was anything new either...

He missed Balamb. He just wanted to go home, and get teased by Selphie, glared at by Squall, humored by Rinoa, and joked around with by Irvine. He missed them. He missed being in with the group. The dynamic was shattered when they were separated.

Maybe he had always wanted for them all to be together because that was the only way he fit in. He sighed, fogging up the glass a little. It was like, when they were all together, he was tolerated, sort of a comic relief for the rest of them. Because nobody seemed happy to see him when it was just they and Zell. They always started searching, eyes darting around the room, trying to find somebody to help them keep Zell in check.

Maybe he was just being paranoid. He always had been. That's why it had been so hard to be around girls...

But he was different now. He felt like he had grown up a little. Maybe it was finally breaking that last barrier, when he and Quistis had gotten together...he didn't have to worry what girls thought of him now, just what Quistis thought. If one girl could like him, then surely, if things ever went wrong, there would be more.

"Zell, what're you doing up so early? Don't you ever take advantage of sleeping in?"

Zell dropped the curtain, turning to see Quistis. She was standing in the bedroom doorway, in a white silk robe that fell far short of her knees, and that was cut so low around the neck that if she had tied it any looser, he breasts would have been exposed. She yawned, her small mouth straining open, and she smiled at him, sleep still glazing-over her eyes.

"Quis, _I'm_ even surprised that I'm up before you. You didn't have some sort of a meeting, or thing to plan, or...something?"

Quistis frowned at him, crossing her arms across her chest, which, Zell noticed, caused her robe to reveal about an inch more thigh than it had been showing before. "I'm not all work and no play, Zell. Sometimes I _do_ stay in for the morning..."

"Sure," interrupted Zell. "If by 'stay in,' you mean actually getting a full night's rest. Quis, you work too hard...that's all that you've done since you got here. We're gonna be heading back soon...do you really want to waste the time we have left? Do you really want to go back, and have to work even harder?" Zell crossed the space between them, resting his hands innocently on her hips, and meeting her glaring eyes. "Can't you just skip work today? Please? For me?"

Quistis tried to hold her composure, but Zell was too damned good at making puppy eyes. "Zell, you know you're corrupting my perfect work ethic," she said with a grin.

"I know, _Instructor_ Trepe," he said, emphasizing the 'instructor' part. The fact that she had once been his teacher, and now she was his lover drove her crazy. She hated the stark difference of it all. "But you need to let you're hair down every once in a while. All this Lunatic Pandora bullshit is turning you into a granny."

Quistis' mouth dropped in surprise, and Zell dashed away before she could get a swat in. "I am _not_ a granny! You better take that back, _Dincht_, or it'll be detention for you!"

"Oh, Instructor, I know I've been bad..."

Quistis threw a pillow at him, which he dodged easily. She leaned forward, with her hands on the back of the couch. This could be fun. "So, what in the world do you have in mind to corrupt the life of an innocent SeeD like myself? Debauchery? Gambling? ...Sex?" she said, biting her bottom lip, and running her hands down the edges of her robe toward her chest.

Zell gulped, his face turning the slightest shade of red, which made Quistis laugh. She vaulted herself over the couch, revealing a long line of thigh, and placed herself in front of Zell, pressing her body to his, not so much in a sexually suggestive way, more like a comfort, like a full-body hug.

"Zell, you do know that we have been having sex, don't you? S-E-X? Do you know what that is?" she asked teasingly.

Zell blushed lightly again, and wrapped his arms around the small of her back. "I know...I know...but, you know how new this all still is to me, Quis. I only used to imagine what it was all about...and now I have it, and I have you, and you are so, so beautiful...so sue me! A pretty girl can still make me blush with innuendo. I'm but an innocent schoolgirl yet. My cherry wasn't picked long ago, you know," Zell joked, making Quistis herself blush. "A-ha! See, it's not just me! You're embarrassed that you corrupted innocent ol' me! Making me lose my virginity! Naughty teacher!"

Hyne, but he was so right. But this...this was _so_ right. She had never felt so comfortable with another person before. It probably helped that they had grown up together, and that they had been friends before. "So," she said, clearing her throat, and asserting her authority. "What _are_ we doing today, then?"

Zell winked at her. "Well, I was thinking..."

_Confusion over time differences between Balamb and Esthar? I figured that their world would probably have time zones like ours does, so Esthar is…12 hours ahead? Yeah, that's it :D_


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The outer office was hushed; most everybody had left for the day, going back to their dorms, out to dinner, or to be with friends. The lights, for the most part, were out as well. A quick scan over the cubicles to the far side of the room showed that one room still had their lights on.

Squall walked across the dead room, stopping outside the office with blinds drawn, light seeping through in slants that fell across the floor. He tapped gently on the door.

The door was answered a few seconds later, opened only enough for Xu to be able to see who was outside. "Wait, don't slam the door on me...please," Squall said, a hint of desperation making its way into his otherwise cool voice. As much as Xu was pissed that he had kissed her, then ignored her, she couldn't shut him out, not when he was so obviously asking for help. She opened the door widely, letting Squall inside, shutting it as Squall sat in the chair in front of her desk, his face buried in his hands.

She had never seen him like this. Not in all the years she had known him, and not even when they had become closer as their work drew them together. She thought of Squall as a friend, and she thought that Squall felt the same way, even if they didn't share much with one another. As much as she had wanted to be a real friend for him, it had just never happened. That's why this sudden display shocked her. This, and the kiss they had shared earlier. She was absolutely confused.

She came as close as she dared, standing beside her desk, not wanting to seem too distant by standing behind it, or too close by kneeling at his side. Middle ground seemed like the most comfortable route to take. "Squall? What's wrong?" she asked, genuinely concerned.

He raised his head from hands, brushing small tears from the corners of his eyes, trying to compose himself, but doing a rather unconvincing job. "Xu, I know I haven't exactly been great to you...no, I've treated you like shit. More like a necessary evil than an enjoyable coworker." He stopped, trying his best at a compassionate smile. "I'm sorry, Xu."

She walked a little closer, still not within touching distance, but close enough to show she cared. "Squall, don't worry about it. I know this stuff is hard for you, and I know you well enough not to take most of the stuff you say too seriously."

"See, that's the thing," he said, slapping his thighs in frustration. "You, and everybody else has to tolerate my moods, my distance, my focus on the big picture, and not on the people that care about me most."

Xu didn't quite know what to say to that. It was true, every last bit of it. And she still couldn't quite believe that Squall was telling _her_ this, out of everybody else that he had.

"Squall, it's ok, it really is. I mean, you have gotten a lot better, especially over the last few years, haven't you?" she offered. "It's just going to take a while to trust people again-"

"So you know?" he asked, eyes filled to the brim with unshed tears, threatening to spill over. How could she know about Irvine?

"Know about what?" Xu asked, genuinely confused. "I know that you had a hard time at the orphanage, especially after Ellone was taken," she said, using the information she had gained from talks with Selphie. "But people- _we_ all love you Squall, we're all here for you, we know you care...that's all that matters, right?"

Squall was silent for a few seconds, and Xu didn't know if what she had said had gotten through to him, or if he had just shut down again. He had been acting like the old Squall for the last week, or so. But, then again, he _was_ here, opening up to her...

"I'm sorry, Xu," he said softly, almost so quiet that Xu didn't hear it. She took a step closer, her legs almost touching his bent knees. "I...when I...that ki- I'm sorry that I kissed you. I didn't mean to. It just...happened. I hope you understand," he finished, trying not to hurt her feelings.

Xu smiled ironically. It _had_ been too good to be true. But, she could respect that she didn't mean that to him. It was fine- at least he was talking to her like a friend, treating her with respect, instead of short sentences and orders. "I do, Squall. It's fine," she said, even trying to convince herself with the words.

He met her eyes." It is? Are you sure?" She nodded. "Oh Xu, thank Hyne, I didn't know if you would, well, you know," he said, waving his hand about, dismissing the thought. He stood, and unsure whether or not it would be appropriate to grab her hand, compromised by holding her arms gently in his closed hands. "Xu, thank you for being here for me today," he said slowly, a warm smile gracing his unsure face. "I needed it."

Xu suddenly realized what had happened: he and Irvine must have broken up. Oh Hyne! She felt horrible for him. Irvine was basically the only person he had trusted, the only one he had opened up to, and his only real friend. He talked to the rest of them, but it wasn't the same thing that he and Irvine had. It must have happened...and she was the next person he came to? She wasn't sure if she was up to the challenge of being Squall's close friend, but she sure as hell would try.

"Of course, Squall. That's what friends are for, right?"

He smiled at her, and then suddenly realized something. Of course, why hadn't he thought of it before? The could use a good brain on the mission...

"Say, Xu, didn't you say that Nida's been doing incredibly well, as Assistant Garden Director?" he asked suddenly.

"Oh, well, yes I suppose so. He's shocked me, that's for sure. If I didn't know any better, I would say he's next in line for my position, if it ever opens up."

"Well, then, he would probably be able to manage running things if you were gone for a few days, wouldn't he?"

"...Why would I be gone? Squall, are you shipping me off to another convention? You know, that's why I thought you hired Nida, to take care of all that trivial stuff. I really can't just get up and leave, and-"

"Xu, I'm asking if you'd like to join us on the Trabia liberation mission."

Her? On a mission? She hadn't gotten out of the Garden in...Well, Hyne knew it had been too long. And she supposed Nida could keep things under control.

"Are you sure? I mean, I haven't gone on a _real_ mission in a long time, and my bo skills are rather, well, horrible...you'd probably be better off with somebody else," she said, dismissing the hope of excitement and danger.

"Don't give that, Xu. I'm well aware that you train every night in the Training Center. And we're going to need somebody really smart- you know, for code breaking, random Garden procedure knowledge...stuff like that. You're perfectly qualified; just the person we need to round out the bunch."

Did they need her, really? "Oh Hyne, Squall, of course I'll come! I'm not going to just let those Galbadian pricks take over everything that we've worked for!" She jumped into his arms in all the excitement, taking Squall by surprise. She leaped back just as suddenly. "When do we leave?"

Squall scratched the back of his head, a rather sheepish expression on his face. "Umm...at six?"

"Oh my, two hours! I've got to get things together! And I'll have to talk to Nida..." She grabbed some things from her desk, before darting out of the open door.

"Meet at the front of the Garden at six!" He yelled after her. For once, he felt like he was doing exactly the right thing.

Roane paced the room, practically counting the minutes, the seconds until they left, and he was able to take part in his first _real_ mission in over a year. Squall hadn't completely incapacitated him in his detestation, only broken his spirit, sending him on errantry runs, miscellaneous tasks that normally would have been completed by cadets looking to earn a little extra pocket money. It had been embarrassing and degrading, which Roane knew was exactly what Squall had meant it for. He had seemed to loosen up a little over the past few months, and Roane had seen the beginnings of an understanding between the two, even possibly a resolution between Squall and Rinoa. But the Squall he had seen today was the very same Squall that he had met two years ago: bitter, cold, and angry at the world and everybody in it. He sighed, suddenly stopping mid-pace. He just couldn't understand that man.

"Tired of pacing a ditch through my room?" Rinoa teased, looking over the top of the book she was reading, laying back on her bed.

"Just thinking of your ex-boyfriend, and why he hates me so much," Roane replied smugly.

Rinoa set her book facedown on her chest. "Roane, I told you not to take it so personal. Squall...he's wired different than the rest of us. He's not one to forgive so lightly."

"I know, I know. I've heard all of this before, Rin. I just...can't stand someone loathing my existence, you know? I mean, he's never even tried to talk to me, he just dismisses me like some piece of crap on the side of the road."

"Well, you have two choices, babe: you're going to have to get used to it, or die miserable, because you're never going to know if Squall will 'forgive you' for my sins or not."

Dammit.

A sharp knocking, coming from the door, broke the silence that had built from Rinoa's last comment. "Got it," Roane said, stopping Rinoa before she got up to answer her own door.

He opened the door to reveal six feet of cowboy. "Hey Irvine," he said, letting Rinoa hear who was at the door before she wasted her time getting up from bed. As much as she liked to say that Squall and Irvine didn't give her the time of day, there was little-to-no effort made on her part either. Eh, what could you do.

"Hey Roane, I've been looking all over for you- ditched your old room for the more spacious quarters of a senior sorceress SeeD?"

"You know it," Roane said, slapping his friend on the shoulder. "Why live in modesty, when I can surround myself with luxury?"

"You cocky son-of-a-bitch, you sure are full of yourself," Irvine said jokingly. Roane replied with a shrug; it sure beat living in the smaller single room he had occupied before.

"Anyways, I just got back from lunch with Selph, and I figured what could be better than relaxing with my other best friend before we take off to save the world yet again?"

"Sure, just let me go tell Rinoa what's up. I'll be right back," he said, leaving Irvine standing in the hall.

"What'd that prick want?" Rinoa asked as he walked into her room, acid lacing her usually sweet voice.

"That 'prick' and I are going to get in some quality guy-time before we head out on our big mission. I'll be back before we leave," Roane told her.

"Whatever," Rinoa said, not looking up from her book. Roane knew the book wasn't so spellbinding that she couldn't even break eye contact from it to look at him. She was pissed.

He crossed to room to sit beside her on the bed, her eyes still glued to the 'engrossing' novel. "Rinoa, I'm not ditching you for Irvine- he's my friend. Friends spend time together. It's what they do. I haven't really hung out with him since...well, since he and Squall officially got together. We're due for some time to catch up." He placed his hand over Rinoa's, which was clasped to the book rather tightly.

She finally took her eyes from the page, almost painfully. "I'm sorry, Roane, I just don't associate with people that ignore me for two years, just because I dumped their friend."

Roane frowned. "At least you could be a little supportive."

"All right," she said with a sigh. "Have fun- does that work?"

Roane laughed. "Well, now I know why you never got into acting," he quipped.

Rinoa squinted her eyes at him, suppressing the desire to slap him on the arm. "Get out of here," she said, waving her hand toward the door. "Go have some 'guy-time.'"

He kissed her chastely on the lips, and she resumed reading while Roane went to go see the man who had hurt her probably more than Squall had over the past two years.

"Make yourself at home," Irvine said, indicating that Roane sit on the small couch that was pretty much the only seating area in the suite. He made his way to the kitchen. "Do you want a beer?" he asked over his shoulder.

"Sure," Roane replied, standing in front of the love seat. "Hey Irvine?" he called. "Is that blood on your couch?"

Irvine returned from the kitchen, beers in hand, looking a little uncomfortable. "Umm, yeah," he said, handing a beer to Roane. "That would be from me cutting my face open on a broken vodka bottle."

Ah. "Rough night, then?" he asked, plopping himself onto the unstained side of the white couch.

"You could say that," Irvine said, falling back into the empty seat, taking a swig from his bottle. "I went to Squall's last night to get my stuff."

"...And the blood fits into this, how?" Roane asked.

Right. "Well, I wanted to boost my confidence before going over, so I, well-" Irvine adjusted his cowboy hat, a nervous habit, "-I drank a bottle of vodka. And then I got pissed, and smashed it onto that table," he said, indicating the short mahogany coffee table before them, "and some glass flew back and slashed me up. Nothing major, really," Irvine ended.

"Sounds pretty major to me, Irvine. You should have told me you were having a hard time. You know I'm always here for you."

Irvine nodded. "I know, I just didn't want to get you wrapped up in any of this..."

"I'll always be wrapped up in whatever's happening in your life, Irvine," Roane said, scooting a little closer to comfort his friend. "You know I care about you, so whatever hurts you, hurts me too."

Irvine looked up, tipping his hat back from his face, and patting his friend's hand, which rested on the back of the couch. "Thanks, Roane. You always were a fucking awesome friend- until you left me in Galbadia to go to Balamb-fucking-Garden. I forgot to thank you for that one, prick," Irvine said, prodding a sore spot in an attempt at a joking manner. The feelings still ran rather deep, though.

"I know Irv, it was an asshole move on my part," Roane admitted, staring down at his beer bottle, and taking a deep drink.

"So," Irvine prodded, "why'd you leave me? Just when things were getting so good?"

It was Roane's turn to look uncomfortable. When they had been reunited, after Irvine had joined up with Squall and the others, it had just been good to see an old friend, and neither had broached the subject of "the betrayal." They had both acted as if it had never happened, as if it were all forgiven and forgotten. And now he brought it up, out of the blue...

"Do you want the honest answer, Irvine? The honest-to-Hyne truth?" Roane asked, not wanting to hurt his oldest friend.

Did he? Did he really want to know, or would knowing risk changing the friendship they had already managed to repair? "I do," Irvine said with conviction, nodding his head.

Roane took a deep breath. "I left because..." he paused, taking another swig of the cold bitter liquid from the bottle. "Because I was scared that somebody could love me so much. I was afraid that I couldn't love you enough in return; that I would eventually end up hurting you so much that we could never be friends again. So, I left," Roane concluded, hoping his answer was satisfactory.

Irvine had his head cocked slightly to the side. "You left to avoid hurting me? Didn't you realize that leaving then was probably one of the most hurtful things you could have done?" Irvine asked, emotion straining his voice. He was reduced to a whisper. "I had just gotten everything I had ever wanted: I was training to be a SeeD, shooting guns and killing monsters, and I had a boyfriend."

Roane shifted even closer to Irvine, turning sideways on the couch to face him fully, his crossed legs pressed against Irvine's thigh. "Irv, I did care about you. I had wanted you for...forever. That's why when we finally bridged that gap from being friends to being lovers, it had been so sweet, so completely worth the wait. But you...I can still picture your face," Roane said, his voice cracking slightly. He cleared his throat, which didn't help, so he continued on the best he could. "Your face back then was like a portal to your soul, and what I saw scared me. It held a love, devotion, trust that ran so deep, I didn't think that I could reciprocate." Roane laughed a small laugh. "I guess you could say I was just being a pussy."

Irvine had tipped his hat down to cover his face, not wanting to cry in front of Roane, not wanting to show just how much he had hurt him. That's why he had left? He was scared that Irvine loved him _too_ much? Was there such a thing as too much?

He remembered that after Roane had left, that's when things had changed drastically in his life. He had started to sleep around, trying to fill the gaping hole that Roane had unknowingly left behind. He hadn't found anything close to the way that Roane had completed him, but for a night at a time, Irvine managed to feel whole, or the closest to whole he could manage...and then he had found Squall, and things had changed again. But that was over now.

Irvine looked up from his lap to meet Roane's comforting amber eyes, shimmering with unshed tears of their own. He had to know. "Did you miss me, Roane?" he asked in a hushed echo of his usually confident voice. "Was leaving it all behind worth it?"

Roane shook his head, his throat clenching tight, tears welling dangerously close to overflowing. "No," he answered. He closed his eyes, tears dripping like glittering jewels from thick, dark lashes. "No," he repeated, "it wasn't worth it. It was probably the biggest mistake I ever made." He opened his eyes, blinking far more often than was normal, trying to blink back the tears. "I missed you...so damn much, Irvine. And when you came here, things were ok, but they were so, so different than they had been before..."

"And then I met Rinoa, and she reminded me a lot of you. I'm sorry that I played a part in breaking her and Squall up, Irv, and Rinoa is too. I still don't know why you hate her, and not me."

Irvine shifted uncomfortably on the couch. Why had he been so pissed at Rinoa? It had been so long ago...he really had forgotten why they had ever stopped talking in the first place. He had just stayed angry because of her comments and behavior.

"As ridiculous as this may sound, I, well, I forgot why I was mad at her."

Roane stared blankly at him. "You mean you did too?"

It took a second for Irvine to understand what he was implying. "You mean Rinoa forgot too?" he asked, the alarming idea bringing him to his feet. "We've stayed angry at each other for two years over something that neither of us can remember?"

Roane remained seated, answering Irvine's rhetorical question. "Yeah, pretty much."

Irvine fell back into the comfort of the couch. "Wow," he whispered, "how ridiculous."

"Yeah, pretty much," Roane said with a laugh.

Irvine managed to glare at him before smiling. "Hey, don't make fun of my misfortune! As I recall, somebody was feeling guilty about 'the biggest mistake they ever made?'"

"About that..." Roane breathed. "So yeah, I basically started up with Rinoa as a way to preoccupy myself from you, because after being apart, you went from being my boyfriend to being unattainable. Me and Rinoa ended up being pretty close...and then you and Squall got together, and I knew that you were finally happy too."

"And then Squall and I broke up, and I brought up our past...and now, here we are," Irvine finished.

"Yeah," Roane confirmed, sinking back into the cushions.

Irvine fell silent, deep in thought. He knew that he was in love with Squall- he thought he was in love with Squall? He didn't know. The only thing he had to compare the feeling to was his feelings for Roane, and the love he felt for both of them was too close to being the same thing to determine a difference. That meant one thing: if he was 'in love' with Squall, then he still must be 'in love' with Roane.

Irvine looked to his oldest friend, his best friend, his ex-boyfriend, and noticed that he was as deep in thought as Irvine was. He was probably contemplating the same thing: how Irvine was suddenly single, and they had finally cleared the air between them, letting each other know exactly how they had felt, and probably still felt. Was this a chance he was willing to take? Was he willing to put it all on the line for Irvine, his first real love, a love he had squashed years ago?

Irvine didn't know what to think anymore. So, instinctually, he stopped thinking, and acted on the impulse his body was screaming at him: he leaned across to the other side of the couch, pressing his hot lips to Roane's.

Roane squirmed underneath Irvine's gentle lips. He wasn't sure about his feelings for Irvine. He wasn't sure whether or not he was just a rebound from Squall; he didn't know if Irvine would just dump him to get back together with Squall, dump him like Roane had dumped Irvine all those years ago. He didn't know if this kiss would bring them together. He didn't know if he was willing to risk losing Rinoa to be with Irvine. Suddenly, Irvine's tongue flicked gently across Roane's bottom lip, tickling him, begging to gain entrance to his mouth, and Roane forgot everything that he was thinking, and gave in to that plea, opening his mouth to Irvine's.

Irvine didn't kiss the same way that he had five years ago; he kissed better. His tongue began to probe his mouth, first gently, then almost in a sort of attack; caressing, tickling, teasing his mouth, every motion making Roane want him even more. He just laid back, and let Irvine take control.

And take control he did. He had found his way on top of Roane, pressing their bodies together, and Irvine could tell that Roane liked what he was doing. Roane confirmed this, grabbing Irvine's ass with strong hands, and pushing their bodies together using even stronger, muscled arms.

The move brought a gasp from deep in Irvine's throat, and his hands went from propping his body up to exploring Roane's heavily muscled and incredible body. As he teased Roane's mouth, pulling back his tongue and biting Roane's full, pink bottom lip, he teased Roane's small, perky nipple, biting and pinching in unison. Roane grunted, his back arcing, his body treading the thin line between pain and pleasure, and his hips thrust upward, grinding himself against Irvine.

Irvine's body jerked slightly in response, and Roane laughed, lifting the man easily off of his body, bringing them both standing beside the couch. They were pretty much the same height, Irvine was just a little taller, but Roane attributed that to the boots he always wore. Where Irvine's thin frame was covered in lean, tight muscle, Roane's was practically built from the hard, bulging muscle that covered his stockier frame. Their bodies, as much as they were different, were still in perfect harmony with one another, almost as if each recognized the other, like they held a memory of their pasts.

"The bedroom?" Irvine panted as Roane rubbed his hand along the front of his tight pants. Roane nodded, a small, seductive motion that drove Irvine wild. He grabbed Roane's hand, and led his muscled body to the bedroom, which, while small, was decorated perfectly.

The room was painted a rich, light blue, like an autumn sky, and the dresser and tables were painted a deep shining black. The bed, also black with black bedding, was king sized, leaving plenty of room to...maneuver.

"Nice room," Roane commented between sloppy kisses.

"Thanks," Irvine said, as he reached for Roane's belt.

Before they knew it, the two former lovers were naked with each other again, and Irvine took in his body with a newfound wonder. "Wow...just, wow," he said, eyes drifting slowly from his broad shoulders, to round, bulging pecs, down to the abs that protruding from the flat plains of his stomach, curving down in a V that ended at his dick. And..."Wow," Irvine gasped again.

Roane laughed, knowing exactly what Irvine was "wowing" about. He took pride in his body. As Irvine had taken to sleeping around, he had taken to perfecting every line, muscle, inch of his body. And he was proud of it.

Roane's dick stood erect, standing straight out from his body, from short dark curls, curving slightly upward. The length wasn't as impressive as the thickness: Irvine knew that it would be a trial, getting his mouth to open that wide. Roane had obviously filled out in more than one way while they had been apart.

Irvine's lean body was coated in taught muscle, the curves of his chest, the long line of stomach, the defined thighs- there wasn't so much as an inch of fat on his body. His arms were the most defined part of him, his biceps bulging impressively from continued shotgun recoil.

His eyes were drawn to the trail of chestnut hair that led from his belly button, down to darker curls, and the prize. Irvine's cock was hard as a rock, reaching up toward his belly, straining to be touched. It was longer than Roane's; thinner, but still decent-sized, and arching a little to the right. Roane wanted nothing more that to relieve it of the torture it was enduring...but he always had been a bit sadistic. He was going to make Irvine wait for this.

Roane ran his hand up Irvine's thigh, steering clear of his throbbing muscle, tickling up his side, and his other hand echoed the motion of the first, mirroring it exactly, but a second later. His first hand reached Irvine's hard rosy nipple, and gave it a little pinch, the other nipple being pinched just after. Finally, he gave up, and brought his mouth to Irvine's chest, drawing the reddened flesh into his mouth, soothing the wounds with his tender tongue. "Oh fuck, Roane, yes..." Irvine breathed, head thrown back from the things his body was feeling.

Roane stood up on knees, the same position Irvine was in, and "walked" over until they were almost touching. Irvine's eyes were still closed. Roane grinned wickedly, and brushed his cock against Irvine's, caressing Irvine the way he would have if he had been using a finger.

Irvine hummed in pleasure, until he opened his eyes and saw what Roane was using to caress his dick. Then, his body spasmed with pleasure and the realization that Roane's dick was pressed hard against his own.

"Do you like that, Irv?" Roane asked innocently. Irvine nodded, unable to speak. Roane laughed, a slightly cocky, arrogant laugh, but Irvine didn't care- Roane had every right to be cocky, as far as he was concerned.

Irvine opened his eyes, which we swirling in lust. He reached down, and grabbed Roane's incredibly thick rod in his hand. "Oh Hyne!" Roane exclaimed, as Irvine immediately began stroking him, squeezing hard and pumping fast.

"Do _you_ like _that_?" Irvine asked sarcastically.

"Fuck yes, Irv, don't stop, please don't stop," Roane begged from his suddenly prone position, laying with his back on the bed, his hips thrusting forward with Irvine's hand in time to his pumping.

Irvine didn't know if it was physically possible, but he had to try anyway. He stopped pumping Roane's leaking dick, and positioned his body between his open legs. "Why'd you stop?" Roane asked lazily, raising his body up on elbows.

"So that I could do this," Irvine said, winking. He brought his mouth to the tip of Roane's imposing thickness, licking the pre-come from the slit before sliding him inside of his mouth, slowly. It wasn't as hard to fit in as Irvine had thought: who knew that having a big mouth was a good thing? Although it was possible for his mouth to open wide enough, it did hurt his jaws a little. He supposed it was something he would have to get used to. Used to? Was he already pondering the idea of this becoming more than a fuck?

He dismissed the thought, bringing his attention again to Roane, pulling back a little, just to take the slightly-smaller head into his mouth, sucking hard while using one hand to pump his length, and the other to tickle his entrance.

"Oh shit, oh fuck..." Roane gasped, his eyes rolling back in his head. "Oh Hyne, Irvine!"

Irvine dropped the pulsing cock from his mouth suddenly and without warning, leaving Roane thrusting the air, desperately wanting to end the need, the want, the desire, but holding back for what was to come.

"Are you done thrashing around, Roane?" Irvine teased.

Roane flipped him the bird, and then sat up. "Hyne Irvine, how did you get so good at giving head?"

Irvine smirked. "Well, as they say, 'practice makes perfect.'"

"I'd say," Roane replied with a laugh, his eyes dark with lust. "Irv? Where do you keep the lube?" he asked innocently.

Irvine nodded to the side table, and Roane crawled across the bed to retrieve the lubrication. As he was on all fours digging in the drawer, Irvine couldn't resist. He stood on his knees, positioned himself directly behind Roane, and teased his dry, unready entrance with his eager dick.

"Holy shit!" Roane cried out, grabbing the lube, and dropping to the bed, rolling to his back. "What the hell, Irvine?" Irvine only laughed. "Geez, you're just full of surprises."

Irvine stopped laughing, eyes suddenly serious. "I'm not quite _full_ yet," Irvine said suggestively. "I could think of one thing that might fill me up, though..." he trailed off.

"So can I," Roane said, not missing a beat.

Irvine lay on his back, feet propped on Roane's wide, hard shoulders. So, broad shoulders held a practical purpose after all. "This might hurt a little," Roane warned, as he applied the heavy fluid to first his cock, and then to Irvine's entrance.

"A little pain only makes things better," Irvine assured him. He gained the taste for pain in his experiences over the years. The right amounts at the right times made the sex phenomenal.

Roane smiled a lopsided, dorky smile, hoping that Irvine knew what he was talking about. He slipped a finger inside of him, and when Irvine could accommodate easily, two. Irvine squirmed under his touch, as he caressed and explored him with his able fingers. He found a spot that seemed to drive him wild: it was just behind his dick, and as Roane pushed on the spot, he felt Irvine's cock react, twitching in pleasure. As Irvine relaxed, Roane inserted another finger, gently, and Irvine's body easily accommodated for it.

This was the hard part. "Are you ready for number four?" Roane asked him.

Irvine nodded. "Fist away," he replied.

"Smart ass, I'm not going to fist you, just getting you ready. The more prep, the easier this will be."

"Whatever," Irvine shrugged, "I just want to feel you inside me already...hurry it up."

Roane swallowed heavily: he wanted to be inside him too, but he didn't want to hurt him. He eased the fourth digit inside of him, causing Irvine's body to stretch and strain a little, but after a few minutes, Irvine was comfortable and ready. He nodded to Roane, assuring him that it would be all right, and Roane slipped his fingers out, positioning his throbbing, purple dick just before Irvine's hole.

Irvine took a deep breath, and Roane pushed inside of him, and Irvine noticed that it wasn't as much to take in as four fingers had been, so this was all the more comfortable. So that's why Roane had taken so much time prepping him.

"Oh yes, Ro, that's perfect, just right."

Roane started a rhythm, slow at first, and progressively faster. Irvine stroked himself in time to Roane entering and almost leaving his body, speeding up as he did.

Shit, shit, shit. "Oh fuck, Roane, Roane, oh Hyne, yes!" Irvine shrieked, as Roane pounded inside of him, faster than ever, his balls slapping softly against Irvine's ass. Irvine came in an explosion that hit him in the face with the first burst, coating his chest and stomach as the pulsing slowed and stopped. His ass clenched tightly around Roane, who was already pretty much filling him to the tippy-top, and the tightness was more that Roane could bear. He pushed inside of Irvine at a pace that was almost too much, but bearable, until his cock exploded, shooting stream after stream into Irvine's body. He had to hold back, for fear of hurting Irvine, but it was incredible all the same.

Roane pulled himself from Irvine's body, panting, and his body melted like butter into the soft blankets and pillows of Irvine's bed. Irvine curled himself against Roane's side, his leg entwined between Roane's, and his arm thrown across his broad chest.

"Fuck Roane, that was...wow. Just-" Irvine sighed, "-just what I needed."

"What's this?" Roane asked, seeing Irvine's face. He slid a finger across his cheek, and showed the substance to Irvine, who chuckled. Roane licked the cream from his finger, and licked the rest from Irvine's laughing face.

"See how good you are?" Irvine said between laughs. "I have never shot that far before...Hyne, I made a mess."

"Yes you did," Roane mumbled as he lapped the rest of the tasty liquid from Irvine's chest and stomach.

The two settled into an embrace, and Roane glanced at the clock on the wall: it was five. They would be leaving in just an hour. Suddenly, reality sank in. He had fucked Irvine. What did that mean for he and Rinoa? He wasn't sure what his feelings for her meant anymore, especially now that he was together again with Irvine.

Irvine...if they started seeing each other, behind Rinoa's back, would she find out? Would Squall forgive Irv, and leave him out in the cold? Roane shook his head. He didn't care, but he knew that he couldn't have just one or the other, he had to have them both: small, feisty, curvy Rinoa; and tall, compassionate, muscled Irvine. Now that he had them both, he knew that to lose one would probably be the demise of the other as well. If he lost what he hoped he now had, then he wouldn't want anything at all.

The thought...frightened him, to say the least. But what frightened him more was that he was going to have to cope with this situation entirely too soon: he would be on a jet with the two people he cared about, and the person that threatened to take it all away from him: Squall.

_You know, when I came up with Roane, I never intended for he and Irvine to get together...but it just seemed too good to waste ;D I hope you like Roane as much as I do_

_Also, please disregard any grammatical errors…I was in a hurry to get this published, so it might not have gotten all the editing it deserved…_


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The sounds from the fountain were so distracting, soothing away insecurities like gentle ocean waves lapping at your toes. Lunch had been nice. She and Irvine...and had been like old times. For the most part. Irvine acted as if things were the same between them, and she had too, earlier in the day...seeing her friend like that, even if he had ignored her before, broke her heart. But he seemed to be getting along just fine.

The rest of the group should be here soon...

Selphie sighed, trailing her fingers through the water, sweeping her hand back and forth unconsciously. She didn't even know what was wrong with her. She'd just fallen into a pit, one that she felt like there was no escape from; a pit filled with nothing but loneliness, horrible thoughts, and fear. The person she used to be seemed but a distant dream, something that she could remember faintly, but once called upon, the memory was too faded to be recollected.

What it was to be happy, truly happy, Selphie had all but forgotten. Everything that she did, everything that she said was an act, an attempt to be "herself." But the real her was far-gone, too fucking gone...

"Selphie? Can I join you?" Selphie's glazed eyes came back into focus.

"Sure Xu, there's plenty of room," Selphie said, patting the cold stone beside her, looking off somewhere that Xu knew she would never see with her own eyes.

"Trabia's going to be ok, Selphie. Don't you worry about it," Xu attempted, sitting too close for Selphie's comfort. If she really wanted to hear shallow, automatic attempts to console her, she would call Cid.

"I'm sure," Selphie replied in monotone, her voice void of any real confidence; Trabia wasn't going to be all right. Everything she had done was just a waste of fucking time, a selfish attempt to regain her childhood. If what she'd been doing had been to help the Garden, or the people there, she wouldn't have left it so helpless, abandoned of trained SeeDs or hired help. Shit, the place had been asking to be invaded.

Xu took in Selphie's attitude, her body language. The poor girl really had no hope left. What had happened to shatter her unbreakable friend? Even after Ultimecia, when they had gone to hell and back, Selphie had retained her perky personality. She had been the one getting people going, forcing people back into the swing of things, not letting her friends fall behind, lost in the past.

Xu placed her hand lightly on top of Selphie's, which was clenching the ledge of the fountain, unmovable. Selphie didn't even acknowledge the contact. "Selphie...? What's wrong?" Xu pried gently. Selphie had seemed fine: fine when Rinoa had found Roane, and started to spend more and more time with him; fine when Irvine and Squall had finally made it official, and Irvine didn't have to sneak around anymore, finally free to be with Squall; fine when Quistis (and Zell) had left about a month ago. Around Xu, she hadn't acted as if anything were wrong, and Xu thought that she and Selphie were close enough friends that she would tell Xu if something were really, truly bugging her. "...What's really wrong?"

Selphie shuddered, and Xu felt the vibrations through her hand, a fine tremble that was invisible to the naked eye. She turned her teary eyes to Xu, determined not to let them fall from naked eyes filled with too much pain. "I don't know," Selphie admitted weakly. She stared off again, with a determined ferocity; this wasn't something she wanted to talk about in depth right now, and Xu knew better than to force it and lose her friend: her friend that had no one else in the world right now. Xu squeezed her hand, hoping that Selphie understood that it meant she could tell her later, if she wanted to.

Xu remained silently by Selphie, lost in inner turmoil, holding her hand and hoping that somehow she could make her happy again.

Squall turned from his co-pilot seat to take in the cockpit, full again with people, but strange. The last time Squall had lead a group had been when they had fought Her, and won. Not since then had he been on a real, full-out mission. And not since then had he had the group together again...there were some differences this time, of course, in who the group was, but it felt right just the same.

Roane and Rinoa were sitting in the seats farthest back and behind the pilot seat. Rinoa was deeply involved in some book, and Roane looked as if he had given up on making conversation, settling instead on an arm wrapped around her shoulder, and an attempt at a nap.

Selphie, situated just across from the pair, sat silently in her window seat, staring out into the fluffy white clouds that zipped by. Squall couldn't help but feel concern for the girl; he remembered how she had loved traveling, singing when they took the train, or humming to herself as she piloted the very same ship they were aboard.

Irvine, who he thought would be at her side, trying to cheer her up, was a row ahead of Selphie, hat tipped forward to shield his eyes from the last rays of afternoon sun that slipped through the clouds. The slack nature of his body made it evident that he, too, was engaged in a nap. Lazy asses.

He turned back forward, settling comfortably into his seat. Esthar, when they had developed the ship, hadn't skimped out on the seating: in fact, in Squall's opinion, it must have been where most of the budget had been focused. He didn't know of any other material that was softer, more form fitting, or more relaxing. He actually sighed a little, contentedly.

"Well, I would say you're in a better mood," Xu quipped from his side.

"For the most part," Squall replied to the pilot. "Is Selphie doing alright, Xu?" he asked. The two women had been sitting together when he had come outside to meet the group for departure.

Xu sighed, hitting a button by the controls, setting the ship on autopilot, before bringing her hand to rub the bridge of her nose. She dropped it suddenly, body slumped forward in defeat. "I don't know, Squall. She...she won't tell anybody what's wrong. Hyne knows we've tried so much."

Squall nodded, but stopped, realizing something. "Well, we have been a little, um, self-involved lately...I didn't even realize there was a problem until Irvine mentioned something." He turned again to look back at the defeated girl, whose eyes were still locked on the outside scenery. They had lowered their voices to whispers.

"Nobody knew, Squall. Who would think that Selphie would be depressed?"

Squall shook his head. "It's not that simple Xu." Hyne knows that he had been there, done that. Depression was something he had just learned to let go of. If Irvine hadn't helped him over that hurdle earlier in the relationship, Squall didn't know how he would have been able to cope with their break up.

Xu fell silent, not wanting to pry any into Squall's past. She knew enough of it from things he had revealed, and things she had learned elsewhere. There was no point in beating a dead horse.

Irvine wasn't sleeping, not really. He had been trying, up until Squall and Xu had started talking. And no matter what they said about gunmen being hard of hearing, he could make out their voices from the hum of the ship just fine.

Irvine hadn't known either. He hadn't been paying attention to his 'Sunshine,' his best friend. He had been off, playing with Squall. In fact, looking back at the last two years, they all seemed a blur: a blur made out of nothing but memories of Squall. Shit.

But the damage had been done. It wasn't only his fault, he knew. He wasn't _so_ self-centered that he would account Selphie's breakdown on his shoulders alone. All the same, it would take who knows how long before she would trust them again. Before she held trust at all again.

Rinoa closed her book, finally finishing the last page. Shit, what was she going to do to occupy her time for the rest of the trip...? Surely she wasn't going to make conversation with Squall. Selphie was so sad, for some reason...

Of course! She ran her hand up Roane's leg, tickling gently from his knee, up his thigh.

He groaned in his sleep, and Rinoa brought her hand to squeeze him gently, and then, firmer. Roane's eyes fluttered open, lazy not only from being tired, but from being horny. He had just been having a fucking fantastic dream, one where he and Irvine and Rinoa had been all together in one bed, bodies coming together in the most fantastic sex imaginable.

Rinoa was biting her soft, full, pink bottom lip suggestively. She leaned in to his side, breath falling hot against his ear. "Do you need to use the restroom?" she asked, hand running up from his suddenly too-tight pants to run underneath his shirt, caressing his stomach.

Roane gulped, swallowing down the lust that had risen to fill his head. He took a second, relearning to speak. "I thought you'd never ask," he whispered.

Rinoa undid her seat belt, and shuffled around Roane's legs, leaving her seat. "Um, Xu?" she asked innocently.

"Yes, Rinoa?" Xu answered, not turning to look back at the girl. She and Squall had finished talking about 15 minutes ago, and now Squall himself had even fallen asleep.

"Is the bathroom door still all jammed up?"

"Yeah, but I know that Irvine managed to get it open the other week, so it's not impossible. Just needs a little muscle."

"Oh, all right," Rinoa said, pretending she didn't already know what had been said. "Roane? Could you come help me?" she asked, making a scene about the whole thing.

Roane swallowed down a laugh, and a sigh. He knew Rinoa wasn't a very suave actress.

"Sure, babe," he replied, following her to the lift, which they took down to the lower level.

"So, how did I do? Wasn't I convincing?" Rinoa asked, twirling around in a circle, a goofy smile plastered on her face.

"You sure were. But maybe you should practice a little more. I think you probably freaked Xu out. I mean, think about it; you basically just asked her permission for us to get it on in the bathroom," Roane smiled.

"I DID NOT!" Rinoa squealed, slapping Roane's arm. "Roane!" she said, her voice going all whiney. "Why do you always have to make me feel like shit?"

"Because you're just too fun to tease," Roane answered truthfully. "You know I'm just kidding."

Rinoa was pouting, her hands positioned defensively on her hips. "I did a great job. You're just jealous because you would never have the balls to try something like that."

If only she knew what had been going on this afternoon..."That's true, Rin, you always did have more balls than me."

"Damn straight," Rinoa nodded with a smile. "Now, let's go see your balls," she said, pulling him toward the small stuffy bathroom, and what was sure to be a good time.

They had landed several miles away from the Garden: they needed the element of surprise. Xu had turned on the active camouflage, and they blended in with the side of the mountain beside them perfectly; the only way anybody would be finding the Ragnarok was if they literally ran into it.

Squall called a meeting in the additional seating area situated below the cockpit. However, the absence of Rinoa and Roane wasn't easy to miss, given the already small numbers of the group.

"Does anybody know where R&R went?" Squall asked, his mouth twitching in the hint of a grin.

"R&R 'went to the bathroom' some time ago, Commander: Roane had to 'help her with the door,'" Xu told him, making air-quotes above her head, telling him that they hadn't gone to the bathroom because of full bladders.

"I could go get them," Irvine suddenly offered.

Squall froze- this was the first time Irvine had actually addressed him, hell, acknowledged him since he had gotten his things. "Su-," he cleared his throat, "-sure Irvine. Thanks."

Irvine gave him a smile (!) before walking out of the chamber to find the two "R"s.

He walked past the elevator, and out onto the upper walkway, crossing it to get to the bathrooms.

As he entered the outer room, the one that held the small sinks and mirrors, he already heard a rhythmic _thump_-ing sound that Irvine knew had nothing to do with the runnings of the ship. "Make me come, Roane! Do it now, now!'

Irvine couldn't resist. He went to the occupied room, which had its door locked, and used the lock-picking skills Selphie had taught him. Within several seconds, he had managed to pop the lock, and he slid the door open all in one motion, causing Rinoa and Roane to fall out of the cramped area in a pile, Roane with his pants around his ankles, and Rinoa completely naked, her dress lying on the floor, forgotten long ago.

"Shit, shit!" Rinoa screamed, attempting to cover her ample breasts with small hands, and not faring too well. When she finally realized _who_ had opened the door, her face, which had drained of any color, flushed red. She ran and got her dress, pulling it over her head, and Roane stood, pulling his pants up and buttoning them, but not before he winked at Irvine, who had been gawking non-too-obviously.

Rinoa returned to Roane's side, her arms still crossed across her chest; still hiding her body, even though it was clothed. "I thought you were Squall! I thought for sure I was going to be fired..." Rinoa said, shaken. Then her eyes squinted into a deathly glare. "Wait, Irvine! Why did you bust in on us, anyways?"

Irvine reached back and adjusted his ponytail. "Well I always was a bit of a voyeur..." he said, with a small wink. "Squall noticed you two lovebirds weren't there- he's doing mission prep."

"Oh joy, strike number one already," Roane said sarcastically. "Come on, babe, let's get over there before Squall decides to use us as decoys or something." He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, and she, around his waist. He also gave Irvine another slow, sexy wink that made him have to adjust his pants before returning to Squall and the others.

Squall finished quickly, but still made sure that every one knew exactly what was happening. They were going to set out before dawn.

With nothing to do but wait, Squall decided to take a walk through the icy fields and forests that made up the surrounding area.

The cold air bit his skin, prickling and raising Goosebumps along his skin. Squall zipped up his jacket, which put the warm, furry collar closer to his skin. Ah, better. He set out to the tree line, about 100 yards away.

The forest was a little warmer, as the trees offered some protection from the wind. He strolled along the dark paths and the white trees until he came to a small clearing, where the treetops had formed a canopy against the snowfall, leaving the ground clean and naked.

But the clearing wasn't as "clear" as it had appeared at first glance. The shape that appeared to be sitting on a fallen log was definitely the silhouette of a person. Squall turned to leave: he really just wanted to think right now.

"You don't have to, if you don't want to," came a voice. Squall turned back, seeing Irvine leaving the deep shadows, and stopping around the middle of the clearing.

Irvine...

"I'm just going to go," Squall said shortly, and he began to wind through the trees, back to the Ragnarok.

"Squall...please. Stay." Squall could hear the hurt in Irvine's voice, and his heart told him to stay. His mind, however, wasn't so willing. _He betrayed you, why give him another chance?_ His heart disagreed. _You weren't willing to love; are you really going to let that happen again? When will it stop?_

Squall was torn, pieces of him still hurt from the betrayal, but bits of him knowing that they both wanted to mend things so bad...only, neither he nor Irvine were willing to admit their contribution to what had ended up being their separation.

Irvine had noticed Squall stalling just at the tree line. He didn't think Squall had any idea how much it cost to confront him, and if Squall was just going to walk away...well then, things would definitely be over.

Squall's hands were clenching, he bit his lip, and his mind raced, contemplating every scenario, and the ways they could play out. Could they sweep the past under the rug, and return to what they had, each a better man than before? Was Irvine just going to tell him off again...was his pain a ploy to seek his final vengeance?

Acting on impulse, which, yet again, scared the shit out of him, he turned, covering the distance between them in a heartbeat, grabbing Irvine's face in his hands before attacking his mouth. Where had he gotten this sudden bravery, at least when it came to physical things? Had Irvine rubbed off on him that much? He still found it hard to express what he was feeling verbally...he had never been one for words...but, Hyne, this was still weird- still even freaked himself out, a little.

Irvine suddenly pulled back from Squall's mouth pressed so firmly against his. Squall's eyes were closed, and when Irvine didn't reinitiate the kiss, his eyes opened. Irvine had to see for himself...he had to see if Squall's eyes told him anything more than the kiss had, such as intentions...but Squall's eyes had never given anything away. Always an icy glare: always. It had begun to melt before...before things got all fucked and wrong.

Squall knew that Irvine was searching his perfectly shielded eyes, and his lips formed a small smile, which made his eyes warm up, just a little. They never truly held real warmth, but the hint of some was enough.

"I'm sorry," Squall said simply, working hard to keep the warmth in his eyes that threatened to bleed away, unless he worked at it.

Irvine's eyes widened suddenly, and it wasn't a reaction he had any control over. When had Squall ever apologized, really? It had always been a shrug, or a head scratch, at best. This...new man was such a departure from the Squall he had known, had always known, that Irvine wasn't sure if he had finally just gone crazy.

Squall squeezed Irvine's hands gently, which were held with fingers intertwined at their sides, as if he had known what Irvine was thinking. Wow, this was _completely_ authentic. Squall had never been one to pretend...and he didn't see even the slightest suggestion of a falter in Squall's warm composure.

"I'm sorry too, Squall... so sorry," Irvine said, suddenly feeling much more like the bad guy in this situation. Squall squeezed his hands again, drawing Irvine's gaze from the ground to meet his eyes.

"I think...we were both, you know..." Squall tried.

"We both fucked up, Squall, but I think I made things irreparable."

"That's not true," Squall said firmly. Hyne, he was going to say what he felt, no matter how hard it was. He was sure if he started, he could force himself to finish. "I..." he took a deep breath, the first sign Irvine had that Squall was as bent up as he was. "...I never, really...you know..." He met Irvine's eyes. "...loved you the way I should have."

Irvine's eyes watered at the admission that he knew Squall had had to tear from the depths of his very being, ignoring every warning signal his mind had thrown at him. "I didn't make things much better, sleeping with that..._girl_." He spat the word _girl_ out, as if it were a curse. He wasn't sure why, but cheating on Squall with a woman had almost seemed more cruel than it would have been with a man. Maybe because it was almost like he was telling Squall that he had no chance, like Irvine had been telling him that he was only interested in girls. The thought had been absolutely subconscious, but Irvine knew that that's what it must have looked like.

"Irvine..." Squall started, bringing their hands up between their bodies. "Can we just...start over? A new beginning?" The two years that they had been "interested" in each other had been rough to say the least. They had fought a lot, and Squall had all but ignored Irvine a lot, not wanting to admit his feelings. With all this newfound courage, though, Squall felt like if they were to start over again, Irvine would get what he had deserved from the beginning of their relationship.

Irvine started crying then, but he was also laughing, so happy that he was hearing what he had never expected come forth from Squall's lips. He squeezed the gunblader in a bear hug, of sorts. "Yes, yes Squall," he managed to say.

Squall had completely surprised himself. One minute he was shut down, not able to say the things he needed to and knew that he should; the next, he was doing things he never expected to be doing, like kissing Xu...

Suddenly, Irvine's stomach dropped, feeling like he had been hit with a gravity spell, his lungs crushed and emptied, his insides turning to mush. Roane...fuck, he and Roane...if Squall ever, _ever_ found out...even with all these new emotions, he wasn't sure if Squall could forgive him for "cheating" again, this time being an accomplice to Roane's infidelity...hell, just being with Roane, who was with _Rinoa_, the queen bitch of the planet, would probably land him in hot water. As nice as things had been earlier, and even though he and Roane had finally buried old grudges, Squall was too important to him to waste...Hyne, he felt horrible though. Why did he feel so badly for Roane, the man that had left him alone all those years ago? The man that had made Irvine lose his trust in people?

Squall noticed a certain tightness in the set of Irvine's shoulders briefly, but then he untensed. He knew what Irvine was thinking, and he had to agree: this was going to be hard to get used to again.

Roane ran to the hatch, wanting to greet Irvine with a quick, forbidden kiss. The more he thought about it, really, the more he realized how deep his feelings ran for Irvine. They seemed to have never left him. He had really only packed them up and put them on a shelf. And being with him...learning to love him again...the fucking box had split open, and emptied its contents onto the cold hard floor. Every feeling that he had ever tried to ignore, to deny, to leave behind came back, and overpowered everything that he knew. He sighed. Hyne, it was so great to be back with Irv-

His thoughts were interrupted as the hatch opened, and Roane's grin grew into something sexy and inviting. Damn, that cowboy got him worked up.

...What in Hyne's glorious name? Irvine walked into the Ragnarok...with Squall in tow, their arms wrapped around each other's waists. Irvine walked by, without so much as a recognition that Roane even existed.

Fuck. Fuck! Roane kicked the hunk of metal that was the wall, succeeding only in feeling like something was broken. Neither the outburst, nor the pain did much for how pissed he was. Things were just getting good...real good, and Squall fucking Leonhart, that suave bastard, took away his fun.

_Uh-oh! Things change again…drama! Usually, by the time I finish one chapter, I well on my way in the next…not so much this time. Chapter 6 is turning out to be a bitch to write- writer's block is so not my friend right now. Anyways, thanks everybody who comments! I love you guys! You keep me writing! Feel free to keep on doing what you're doing…_


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